Body, Anew

today my professor told me
every cell in our entire body
is destroyed and replaced
every seven years.

how comforting it is to know
one day i will have a body
you will have never touched

-written Dec 5, 2014

Candle in the Night

wishing it was all a bad dream;
how the beauty gets lost in between
the many mouths that point dirty fingers with words
so harsh, so unclean

but our hearts still burn, bright 
amidst the Fading candle Light,
and I am reminded that
Love conquers every plight.

We will win The Good Fight,

& There is no need to fear the long night.

Lovely (a poem)

Life is a curious thing. 
Mother says, "Don't be fooled by a shiny ring"
I interject, as I motion to my own,
"Or a bare finger, 
or a closed fist that's been hurt, it won't open to give or 
it will bleed,"  yet as it does
I wipe it clean, so they won't see, 
Enough
Of what's below the surface.
They think I'm pretending to be perfect
when I'm simply Confused 
at how someone can think I'm worth it,
When even family denies me...

But you say you see the real me , 
the angel inside me;
Though my wings were stolen
Between the ages of 8 and 10,
And the ones closest to me 
became wolves, and then
I couldn't trust again.
I'm Sheepish at the thought of trusting again.

Angry with how she didn't believe me,
and this anger has lived with me for years. 

And years later, my heart fell in love once,
And it was beaten , bruised, battered 
by the same one,
And I learned easily, it was better to lie-- 
better to pretend I was fine,
to hide inside my work 
And try to find my worth 
as I filled pages in empty books with my own hurt words. 

I've been looking for the me that was once was,
AND then
You found me--

Reminded me I'm lovely
That yes,  you do,  without a doubt,  
Love me
How could this be?

Because, to be honest, I'm scared of what they think of me,
of us,
Maybe they'll convince you 
That I'm not what you say I am.
They judge me.
Mercilessly, without knowing my story
Yet you willingly
let them think you're a fool for staying beside me,
for loving me beyond my broken glory. 

But you do know me 
And somehow, you still think I'm lovely.
You firmly believe that my ugly past is a part of me that will not control me,  
You choose to console me,
You desire to love me.

You Still want to hold me 

Even when I 
push and scream and cry 
With a rude and mean reply
"Leave ME alone!" 
Yet I couldn't even lie
That is furthest from the truth,
see, the little girl inside
Is bitter and been imbibed 
With darker brittle lies
From even my mother who denies 
My truth:

thatiwasmolestedinmyyouth,
deniedtherighttoknowafatherwhowouldhaveleftmeanyway,
and that I grew depressed enough 
to actively seek solace in the solemn embrace of strangers. 
so much so, that one got close enough to trust,
and I entrusted him with my innocence,
and he returned to me his grievances 
through closed fists.
I mistook his passions for love.
My mistake.

I relished in the danger, 
Thinking there would be no consequences later; 
yet, through the years,three men had the nerve to think 
That because they had served me a drink  
They deserved a right reserved only for my (true love) missing link;
Instead they tattoed their crime on my body with indelible ink.

I'm left scarred , 
FROMHANDSTHATFORCEDMEASANOBJECT...
My favorite color is red
Scarlet
These flames burn in my head
Too Real, 
like a movie rated R yet,
The pain replays
And I'm now forced to make a choice
Like Neo,  The One
I choose is 
to 
know 
the 
Truth


& here, I AM,  years later
And truth is, i still don't know how to love
But I'm not afraid anymore.

Because You Love Me
You Say I Am Lovely

And I AM believing again.


Especially because you've been hurt too
Yet in your embrace, I am reminded 
Of how "Home" is supposed to feel

Your hands never hurt me.
Your lips drip sweet honey, 
With Words that enrich my soul.
Your eyes speak as well,
With words only your heart could tell,
And my own begins to swell,
With a song of hope--
Freedom

To love beyond the pain 
To find love of self within my pain
TO KNOW LOVE IS LOUDER THAN PAIN.

I'm finally listening
& I will believe you every time 
You remind me
I'm Lovely
I'm Lovely

You Love me

And that makes 
all the difference. 

Beyond pixels and protests

I hate scrolling
But it's become a habit
Hands fidgeting , I can't sit still
Peace is distant, my mind won't have it
Swipe through the screen
I see your life
As what you care to share;
My eyes blood shot between
The day and the night
Of what replays on sight
In site
Off sight or off shore
So rich with knowledge
Yet socializing has become poor

My ten year old cousin wears makeup on Instagram
And your opinions are now facts
And facts can now be changed
And reality is moving too fast
For any words to contain
The silent scream of our hearts
But we enjoy the brush of pain
As long as its for our entertainment

But still,  I persist
In the belief that Love exists
So palpable
Beyond pixels and protests
Love,
That which is true,
Demands us to Approach it

Love,  as it is, with no containment

Let us never forget
Of simpler times
Where holding hands
Was special
And a listening ear
Was vital

For words are fleeting
And memories are meant to be lived first