Burned with Heaven's Light

I walk these lands, the grounds now barren--

the flowers withered; a stench of despair

hangs, heavy, in the air.

All before my eyes, my brothers and sisters are dying.

They lay asleep in the wake of broken dreams,

and learned helplessness.

"Awake," I shout, "Awake my beloved kin!"

But the light cannot be seen in their eyes; Their brightness has been stolen.

But I walk, with the marks of wonder in my bones,

and the air of eternity on my breath--

"Arise!" I shout again, 

yet my words fall flat on their deaf ears.

These melodies from my mouth are not recognized.

The darkness may have taken root, but it cannot win.

I have stared the devil in his eyes and this is what I saw:

Fear..

of never knowing Love.

And I heard this fallen angel laugh at my Light, the stench of death whispered from his lips.

I closed my eyes as my heart burned with Heaven's Light.

I was reminded of the Strength that blazed in my soul, a fire that can only illuminate.

The darkness can only win if you forget The Eternal Hope

and I was reminded of Victory.

See, my Hope, it is inextinguishable.

And because of this, I walk these lands, unafraid of what I've seen or of what's to come.

These lands are my heart, tattered and torn, scarred and scorned,

 and this world is at War,

Yet, Love, remains my Victory.

These scars remind me: the hurt will come, but it will heal;

These are the duties of the heart, to feel and fight.

And so, we Awake again. We rise again.

The flames now burn with a different purpose.

The flames no longer damage, rather, they refine,

and my light shines,
piercing through the darkness.

From these ashes, I rise.

I rise.

As a phoenix, bold and beautiful, I rise.

As a warrior, beloved and brave, I rise.

As a fire, blazing and brilliant, I rise.

This light will shine eternal.

And I am no longer afraid of This Light.

The Heart's Attribute

A Heart is a strong muscle.

It has the sole purpose 

of filling every other part of you.

We have attributed this to be Emotion.

Blood is thicker than Water.

Blood is but more than a flicker 

in the eyes of an enamored daughter.

Like the liquor once prohibited,

it comes back by popular demand,

and when it does,

it is
Quicker than The Slaughter

and Harder than the Silence.

It is All-Consuming as the Sun, 

and a newness becomes visible --
piercing, full-fledged, and sweet;

and this Light can be blinding.
But as the heart does,
we adjust

and move with It

as It moves us.

And we can only dare to say Its name
if we trust.

Closure

This one took a while to write
partly because it took a while to realize

I thought I still loved you
I thought I still needed you
I thought I still wanted you

But time helped me realize I was only lying to myself,
keeping myself from experiencing happiness again

And then it happened
We reconnected
Or so it seemed
because there was really no connection anymore..

Perhaps that is sad
Perhaps the past can still have a glimmer of beauty to it
Perhaps who you were when we first met will continue to live on in my memory

But it was today that I realized the past is
insurmountably
non-existent

And I am so relieved

I am ready to live again
Today
Every day
Every moment
In every beautiful, God-given way.

Thank you for letting me see--

I have always deserved better.

Autumn

I remember..

I was riding my bike,
the cool wind kissing my skin,
as the warmth of the sun embraced me,

And I saw it.

I was not expecting it..

but I was not surprised...


the colors

were falling,

gently,
with ease,

with no hesitation
or rush,

simply falling...

And in an instant, I knew.

I knew what it all meant.

And I welcomed this news
as an aged prisoner does
when he hears his chains
loosen
and feels the
cold
confinement

no more,

unsure about what is to come
and unhurried to take that first step
yet unabashed in reveling in the moment...

A smile.. slow-stretching..

A glimmer reignited in his eyes..

this moment would never be the same...
after this moment,
life couldn't be the same..

and

I knew what it all meant.

I smiled, too,
closing my eyes,
and for a small moment,
I found myself

falling in love
with it all.

This moment would always be mine.

and
like my mother's hands,

with the sun-kissed freckles,
and supple undertones
of stories of a life lived with suffering
and love,

when they are held in mine,
I only want to embrace them for all of time

and yet,
unable to grasp that eternity,
I find myself finding joy
in these moments
before the
Beautiful End.

Beyond these changing hours,
this love, this life,
this moment,
will always be ours.

In this moment of Silence

As I slip into this silence..

this moment that is all my own...

with no noise from the outside

save the light drops of rain on my windowpane,

there are many things I notice.

I notice that my heart is still beating.

And that is important because 

it's been almost four years now that

it has been broken.

But it is, beating

steady, without reservations,

unaffected by the world,

and persistent.

And what that means

is that I want to find love again.

I want to love again.

Although I will never stop loving you,

I want to know what love is again--

the kind of love that persists,

unaffected by the world,

without reservations, and is

steady in all situations. 

But I guess,

in my humanity,

I am still drawn to a certain kind of sadness;

reminiscing on the love I used to know

and forgetting on loving myself,

right now in this moment.

Thankfully, life reminds me,

through the light drops of rain,

that even the deepest pain

can be washed away. 

And with the closing of my eyes,

I can focus a little bit more.

I pray.

And I feel peace 

enter my bones,

nestle itself deep in my heart--

even when I didn't think it possible.

It is beautiful

that somehow,

when I take these moments

to let myself feel the pain

and be open to hope,

that peace is never far away.

Love is something 

to be had

at any moment.

Even through the silence.

Even through the rain. 

Love is here. 

Thinking

Thinking
can get you into trouble
when the meaning can double
your problems
without a solution to solve them
and the rhythm of the heart
becomes entangled
and mangled
in the confines of the finite understanding of our minds

and for one time
this moment leaves my eyes
fogged to the brim
with a misty blur

of could have's and should have not's
and
of why did it have to be this way's

of why did you have to go's
and
of why even together i feel so alone's

but your touch,
so gentle,
and so rare,
reminds me of a

sweetness

I thought I had forgotten long ago

and there still persists the longing
to find Home

To Fly for the First Time

Imagine how the baby bird
must feel
when it realizes
it has the ability to fly;

What joy!

and also,
what fear!

To fly would mean to let go
of everything it has grown accustomed to.

To fly would mean to welcome
the unknown.

To fly would mean to be open
to the possibilities that await.

Imagine how the baby bird
must feel
when, for the first time,
it propels itself
from its nest
to flight

to face the real world.

What fear!

But,
what joy!

To fly would mean to see the beauties
that await.

To fly would mean to embrace
the extent of what it was born to do.

To fly would mean to live
as it is meant to.

Mama'

Mama...

Las palabras no son sufficientes para espresar lo que siento por ti.

Has estado a mi lado, con cada pasando an~o,

sin juzgar, sin recopilar mi pasado.

solo te interesa mi bien en este momento presente

y en cada momento que vendra.

Y asi, tal como debe ser, eres

Mama.

Y claro, tambien, 

como mama,

 has soportado tanto de mi, y yo de ti, 

lo bueno y lo malo, 

los gozos y los enojos,

 pero cada instante se ha hecho posible

y se ha superado 

con un corazon indominable,

un corazon grande,

un corazon humilde y fuerte.

Y yo digo un corazon porque  el mio viene del tuyo, 

me das de tu amor , 

y el corazon que Dios me ha dado, sostiene tanto de ti.

Tus ojos, como la dulce miel, claros y oscuros a la misma vez,
 llenos de cuentos de vida y triunfos , me han demostrado que los suen~os se realizan.

Tu voz, fuerte y gentil, dulce e contagioso,
 me ha guiado y me ha acobijado durante las tribulaciones, y siempre me deja saber
como es el sonido del Amor Incondicional.

Tus manos, suaves como satin, y salpicados con las cosechas de tu humanidad,
con esos granitos claros y oscuros a la misma vez,
me han ensen~ado como aguantar, sostener,
 y mas importante que todo, me han ensen~ado como dar--

dar hasta que me duela, dar de todo lo que tengo, porque solo asi se entera uno de lo que es vivir.

Mama, no eres perfecta, y asi te quiero. Te amo con todo lo que traes porque nadie, jamas, va ser como tu. Yo te amo, y te admiro, por todo lo que me das y todo lo que eres, y por todo lo que me has demostrado. .. Con cada bezo, con cada palabra, y con  cada abrazo--tan fuertes y calientes, que surgen entre mis huesos, mas adentro para renovar mi fe y esperanza,--, Te Amo. 

Y Le doy gracias Al Sen~or por ser mi mama. 

Mis idiosincrasias no eran para ninguna otra mama que tu.

Y las tuyas no eran para ninguna otra hija que yo.

Eres una buena Mama.

No tengas dudas porque es la verdad. 

Freckles

I remember the first time you showed me your hand 
and shared a moment of your humanness with me. 
You were worried about getting old, and seeing a small light brown freckle 
on your hand 
must have been tough for you. 
But to me, its beautiful. 
You’re hands are only getting softer. 
Your heart only bigger.
Your smiles only wider. 
I think you cherish everything more now--
at least I know I cherish you more every time I see you. 
I want to remember you, all of you, freckles and all.

The other day, you reached out to fix Ayesha’s hair and as you did, 
the light of the room kissed your skin, and I saw your hands. 
Only this time, the freckles were more prominent. 
There are so many of them now. 
They seemed to speak to me, their small cry of reality hit my ears and my eyes held back tears, 
and I just wanted 
to pull your hands 
to mine 
and kiss them. 

Mother, I want to remember you. 
I want to keep you. 
Here. 

I know I can’t and I won’t be able to ever win this one, 
but I want to remember you like this:
Caring for my sister, your hands have cared for so many hearts over the years, 
and your hands have held my broken heart countless times. 
These freckles are beautiful, but they also scare me. 
So I see them there, but look to the freckles in your eyes instead. 
This will help me remember.  

Ode from a Broken Heart

How long does it take for a broken heart to heal?

How long until I can see my heart has more to feel?

How long until your memory will disappear?

How long until this life seems to be real?

Again 

again 

Again

I wait and cry and hope

For something more than what I have

Cause all I have is myself and these memories

They dance on the ceiling--

Images of us , and of what we had

But you never wanted to dance with me.

time is not a friend of mine

and you are just a memory

haunting these walls with the kisses you stole

trampling on the dry grounds of my barren heart;

the white rose that once blossomed there

is crushed,

whithering,

and it seems that although my heart wants to grow

beyond the thorns that seep into my mind,

I am stuck

Like the memories of you fading in and out

In 

and 

out 

of 

time

..

.

...

This world seems like a blur

Before my eyes and beyond my ears

What is left is no trace of you here

And I want to break free

I want to believe in love again

I want to be free in love again

When?

Will time really heal the cuts that run so deep

I wish I could close my eyes and go to sleep