Stardust

On that daily grind it's hard to find that peace of mind 
My steps may waver but His Love doesn't falter

He's the Sun. The brightest star like a superstar where we are just .. stardust.

And I must confess my lust for the approval of the world, 
it's in my nature as a girl, as a human, as a child, 
But if you've heard, He is Lord, and His Love is above the laws of this world. He is wild-ly and surprisingly constant. 
It's irrelevant if we've been hesitant cause He is adamant about His hate for sin, 
but He has forgiven every last offense if you seek repentance sincerely, 
do you hear me?

He's the Sun. The brightest star like a superstar and we are just .. stardust.

Yet like the dust and clay we were made to briefly stay, ephemeral.
Fleeting moments, trying to evade the fact that He has the final say, for He is eternal. 
Now, I was just a mess and my consciousness would not let Him in
When all I craved was freedom from hurt and sin

And I've heard about this man named Jesus
And how he came from the heavens to free us
But that was more than two thousand years ago.
I denied His impact on this heart 
that was desperately seeking a jumpstart.
But the more I sought for truth in the swerving youth 
that bought the lies of society 
The more I began to see 
that love was nowhere to be found.
And I helplessly cried and told myself "I'd be alright" , 
I wouldn't get jaded with the weighted burdens all around.
But when all you see is pain and all you hear is hate
its hard to elaborate on what it means to be loved.
But when I looked above I could always still see the sun.

He's the Son. The brightest star like a superstar where we are His stardust.

4 million (original song)

warning: shotty laptop speakers. you might want to keep your volume low, but turn up your ears to the lyrics!

VERSE 1

You're not the one, but you sure came really close.
Stole my glass heart, and broke it into four million 

little pieces, but I wonder if you knew

 that you
were everything, everything, everything.

We had it all, perfect love likened to violence.
Your heart was strong, but mine, hidden in sadness
And now I sit and stare and wonder if it could 

ever

Be fixed, but I'm still transfixed... 

CHORUS
4 million seconds

have seem to gone by.

But I can't deny

the will to survive.

Your love has tainted me,

 right down to my bones.

And I still don't know,

 where else I can go...

But amidst it All,

I learn to rise. 

VERSE 2
Though I had hopes, that you would be my One, 
All the songs I wrote, still you never did listen.
And now it seems that time has silenced both our words
And e-verything

 in between
Now it just hurts, when your memory attacks;
Forcing me to run around an endless racetrack.
But now I know that time, can't erase you from 

my mind,
I wonder what will be next...

BRIDGE
You moved me, first shook me, then broke me

hurt me and mourned me then left me

 Over and Over and Over

Your Love, Your love
You hit me, first beat me, then scarred me

drowned me and stained me, bu-ried me

Over and Over and Over

Your Love, Your love
I rebuilt me and broke free

withstood every damn thing

resurrected, still standing

 I'm over I'm over I'm over

your love, your love

Starshine

We are made from the Stars.
Visible commodities
floating through space
and time.
and Why?
You may ask...
Why
are we here?
Isn't it clear?

We simply are
rotating bodies,
here, below, and
above and beyond...
Does anyone else know that we are
here?

The flesh is not strong
to withstand what is coming,
outside our parallel universe.
Revelation.

We simply are
decaying bodies,
resting and moving,
growing and expanding.
Relativity.


patterns
p at t e r ns
p  a  t  t  e  r  n  s
p    a   t   t   e    r    n   s
e x p a n d i n g u n i v e r s e

We simply are
Spirits among the Stars...
there lies the reason for more.
The need for more.
The want for more.
Genesis.

We used to be at the center of it all,
but time has proven otherwise.

We are finding Justifications
for our speculations...
We simply are

fleeting constellations.

Deserving of Love

I do not know why I treat you the way I do;

I feel like you deserve the best of me

but at times, I feel exactly the opposite--

that you deserve none of me.

Holding on to the past

has caused me to waste so many moments;

I know that deep within my heart,

but still,
I cannot keep my heart still
nor can I keep it away
from all the pain you have caused it in the past.

It is our past that haunts my present,
and although I genuinely want to move on
to a brighter and happier future,
I am still stuck in the mindset of our yesterdays.

I want to forgive and forget.
I pray for the strength to look past all our iniquities.
Hey, if Jesus could do it,
why can't I forgive you 77 x 7 times?
Why do I still struggle to just accept
what has been done, and move on?
It is so simple to do
and yet so difficult to get started on.

I search my heart, my mind, my soul;
what is it about my life that I feel stuck in this anger?
I want to let go,
to be able to fully move on,
and live a life of happiness--
the life that I deserve to live.
The life that you deserve, as well.

You deserve the moon and the stars,
the brightest lights to keep shining for you,
so bright that you are blinded by their beauty
and yet, you can't help but keep looking on.

You deserve the tightest hug and deepest kiss,
both of which would be incomplete without the other,
both of which would let you know that you are loved,
that you are protected and desired;
that there is my set of arms and my set of lips that needs yours.

You deserve A kiss that is electric fuzz fire,
that ignites into the deepest intricacies of you,
that laces itself through your bones and
that emanates from you with a heat so unforgiving,
the only way to deal with its intensity
is to just accept it as such.

You deserve the sweetest smile, everytime,
to know that you mean the world to me,
to know that you do make me smile,
that you stir in me a joy that can cause my world to
shift from misery to glory in less than an instant.

You deserve A heart that knows your own,
that is willing to get to know your own,
in all its imperfections and worries and glories,
and that is a complement to your own;
a heart that can beat just as fast and just as strong,
without cease, without exhaust.

You deserve the softest hand to hold through it all,
and a supportive voice to encourage you through your flaws;
you deserve these things because, although you are a Mountain Man to me (strong and willed), when you lack that strength, you will never be alone,
for my hand and my voice will be there for you.

You deserve all of this and more because I do as well...
We deserve happiness.

The question is:
Are we willing to REALLY try again? To actually forgive and forget?
To move on and accept that happiness is available if we just try (if I just try...)?
To give each other that heart that will be safe and warm?
To envelop eachother with the beautiful silken lips that stir the soul?
To lay down the flaws and embrace the Imperfect Perfection that is so wonderful?
Love is the answer to everything.

But if Love is knocking already,

so strong and persistent,
why can't I answer?

Standing Time

Only time will tell.

Only Time will let us see if this is meant to be.

I know what I have to do,

and I know that you know what you have to do, as well,
but I don't know if you will have the courage to do it.

I think you will be a coward,
and I think you will keep making mistakes,
and whats more,
I know that even after more mistakes,
you will still want me,
but it will be too late.

So don't be a coward.
Stand up for what you believe in,
stand up for what you know is good,

for what you know is right.

Stand up and do not fall.
Stand up and rise above.

Stand up and show me
that you are courageous enough
and strong enough
to stand by my side
through it all.

This Journey of Mine

I was slowly sinking into endless blackness,
heading for a road of dark and dim despair...
I felt like I had caged myself in,
sittin' and chillin' as I was sinnin',
and my mind went numb, my body caved in,
and something evil took over.
I was now somewhere I had never been.
So unhappy, so far away from the light, and
I went crazy , my mind raced with fear and and thought of no escape,
I had no ability to understand what was happening,
but all I knew was that I desperately wanted out,
tobefreefromthisthingthatwastryingtotake me.

As I cried inside and begged to have control again,
that was when, like a hand from above,
He spoke to me.
He held me.
He held me close to His heart and said that I would be okay.
He told me that I could choose the darkness or the light,
and I eagerly reached for the hopeful light,
and my eyes forever shut out the darkness.
I finally see with clarity how this journey goes,
and
My feet have been planted firmly on this road before me,
and with the light to guide me, I can start this new year of life--
this new year that I have been so mercifully blessed with.

I promise to never go back to the darkness.

Sweet Water,
Oh Sweet Water. You are always what I have needed.

And I thank that Hand for reaching out to me,
for helping me get up and keep walking.

Chained to Love

Regardless of the distance that is physically between
My heart is still tied down to your love

It can't break free

It can't fly away
And It doesn't even want to . . .

This Love and this Fire

That Burns Through me

Can't be tamed by new winds

or the oceans between
Because neither the sky nor the sea
Can break the hold you have on me.

Your love, so beautiful
so dangerous, so precious,
so consuming, so delirious,
so incandescent and serious,

has changed me

and has become
something I can't live without.

Though I'm terrified
of what may come to be,
Your love and your memory
have become ingrained in me
to the point where
your chains are what have set me free.

Burning

One day , and everything can change
Two hours, and nothing left remains
Three words, where's my strength?
Are we really doing this again?

No one knows our story
No one sees the victory
No one feels the pain to be apart
No one hears my crying heart

The more I love you
The more I drown inside
inside the memories
inside the past
so deep down
lost
with no escape

Burning,
My heart is burning,
Consumed,
On fire,
for the love that no one understands,
not even us.

No matter the distance between
Or how many different routines,
My heart always clings to your hand,
Because I love you more than you can
ever come to understand.

This isn't as crazy as it seems.
Trust me. Please.

So, tell me one thing:
Where are you now?

A Prayer

My heart aches...
My eyes have run dry
from all the tears I've cried.

My soul clamors

and bangs

against my ribs,

against

the pangs

of my aching life

I wish I did so many things differently

What are my options?
Life
or Death;
either one can occur in just one breath.

Pop the pills or
Cut the wrists
and watch as the blood
spills,
out and away from you
and then you're healed of this life
that only ever caused you pain.

From day one, alone;
To this day, the same,

will things ever change?

I run to You
but I don't feel You anymore;
I pray for an answer..

Please show me what to do

to ease this pain,
the pain that has always been
the pain that speaks 'goodbye'
the pain that shrouds my eyes...

I always run back to You.

Don't let me fade into the darkeness;

Give me the strength to put the knife away,

to tuck it away in the corner of the cold drawer,
where the silence of my heart
won't ever again yearn its sharp death.

Alone,

huddled in the corners,
between despair and hope;

Grant me the mercy of Your Love,
Show me the Truth, I beg You;
Help me always rise above,
Show me how to live in You,
before he sweeps down
and takes me away from You . . .

Speechless Love

What is there to say when the miles in between our hearts are manifested more than just physically?
You tell me day after day that you ache for my presence, for my touch, for my kiss...
Yet, you deny me the right to any happiness because
you rip it all away the moment you ossilate in between the 'yes' and 'no';
Ofcourse, I should know better, because all you've ever been
is something in between a solid answer or a definite denial;
you've always been the middle ground that leads me nowhere.

How I wish that with every word I write, your spite and strife

your pain and might

would just erase themselves from my life...

How I wish that with every word I write, my joy my sanity

my love for humanity

would just blossom once more, out and away from your uncertainty...

How I wish that with every word I write, my soul and my eyes

my heart and my lies
would close themselves from you and breath in a new demise...

No matter how much distance comes between us,
no matter how much time seems to stand still
or how much time seems to prolong the process of healing,
there is still pain
there is still remorse
there is still regret

there is still uncertainty

No matter how much may change , you will always stay the same.
And I think I finally figured that out.

Away from your words, your heart, your touch, your kiss--a miracle has happened within my being; I want to be free. From you.

Dance of the Butterflies

Your presence is so strong , I feel the weight of Your Love as I gaze upon these beautiful entities you have gracefully and mercifully placed before me.
“Hope which was lost, now stands renewed” as I stand on this hill gazing over the city of Your Life.

The wind whispers among the wings of butterflies.
They dance, they float, they flirt;
their colors reflect the joy you have brought to my life.
Without effort, they already embrace Your presence.

Your love is here and so am I.
I am so grateful for this chance to stand in awe before You.

“You alone are Good”
Just like the dance of the butterflies, I am trying to get closer to Your wind of Mercy; with every breeze that whisps through my soul, I feel myself shiver from the immensity of You.

“You alone are Good.”
Just like the dance of the butterflies, I am flying endlessly searching for a place of rest; with every movement of my wings, I feel myself reach You a little more.
And although another strong wind may come and change my course of flight, I know that in the end, Your Love will guide me back—back to the joy You have brought to my life.

A leaf falls, dancing gracefully on the air of your hand.

The grass, like a sea of life laid before me, undulates and rises,
dancing to the melody of the wind.

The sun shines brightly, only to hide its face behind a cloud of innocence;
and this valley of Your Life still shines regardless
if the light is hidden from my eyes--for I can always feel Your Light

dancing

in my eyes,
in my heart,
in my soul.

The Butterflies know this too, as they dance without stop.

As I look on to their dance of endless wings,
all I can think of is how I got to be this lucky;
how did I end up so blessed with your Love. .
I don’t know how it happened or when,
because I was so weak and lost before—
but all I know now is that I am so grateful;


I am so grateful because You are so Good.

Once Again

I believed our paths were not to cross
and yet,
just like a warm breeze that kindly caresses
and softly cradles the soul,
I saw your beautiful face again;
and your bright eyes
shone into my heart once again,
and they let me know
you still love me.

And because of that one look from you,
after what felt like a year of empty stares
from other empty, worthless eyes,
I am caught up again,
instantly;
sweetly seduced once again.

What am I to do?
Should I return to your heart,
that once felt so safe,
that may be safe to trust again,
that may prove to me that Love is worth waiting for?
Should I return to your arms,
that kept me warm during the cold,
that held me close when I felt so far,
that may protect me from all my fears?

Or
Should I depart from your sight,
and keep searching for a new horizon
for a new start...
for a chance to prove to myself
that I can stand firm alone.

Where is Love to guide me?
Where will Love take me,
if I let my heart reign again...

Once again,
my heart beats fast for you,
my eyes look only for you,
my hand is longing for your touch,
my lips are yearning for your warmth,
and my soul is waiting...
Once again,
faith, hope, and Love remain
and I am reaching out for an answer.

Una Nota de Amor

April 19, 2010

Tu Palabra, como Blanca Luz,
tan pura, tan buena,
me ayuda cuando todo se siente
tan oscuro, tan frio.
Tan Infinito, es Tu Amor.
Tan Definitivo, eres Tu Senor.
Mi Gran Protector,
el Silenciador de todas mis ancias,
mis miedos, mis angustias,
mis inseguridades.
Entre nuestras transgressiones,
La Buena Noticia eres Tu, Padre Santo;
que limpias todo para que sea 'Pureza' una vez mas.
Que Felicidad.
Gracias Senor por tener tu mano sobre mi,
por darme una vida nueva una vez mas.
Que Lindo eres, Tan Bueno; siempre tan bueno..
En mi corazon hay un fuego que nunca se apagara,
y ese fuego se enciendera siempre
por Ti y para Ti,
para toda esta vida que me regalas cada dia.
Si Senor, te seguire hasta mas aya que el final.
Si Dios Padre, te amara hasta mas aya que mi corazon podra.
Si Bendito Jesus, siempre estare con Ti
y nunca me allejare de Ti,
porque Tu Amor esta en todo lugar.
Que Belleza.
Que Felicidad.

And the Pheonix also Rises

This World has aged you,
taken your once innocent body
and harbored it beneath the ashes,
beneath the darkness.

You want to overcome it;
Reach out!
Fly out!
Spread your wings
for a new chance at Life!
for a New Chance into the Light!

But the flames still consume you
and your Eyes are Blinded from the
Glory beyond this World,
beyond the burden of these ashes.

Do you want to be free?

Raise up, Precious Child;
like the Phoenix, you can raise yourself up again,
out of the ashes and into a New Freedom.

Raise up, Innocent Angel;
like the Pheonix, you can go above and beyond the flames,
where the fire can
no longer harm you,
for you have a New Light on your side.

Raise up from the ashes.
Do not let the remains
of these burdens
keep
you
down.
Raise up! It is a New Day!
There will always be
a New Day.

Belleza del Alma

March 31, 2010

Belleza del Alma,
adonde te me fuiste?
Te esperare,
aunque este triste.
Tu luz
maravillosa
enciende entre
la oscuridad
de la noche.
Mi corazon
se siente terrible,
pero aqui
te esperare.. hasta la muerte.
No me importa,
si las horas
me rodean o me ahogan,
con este sentimiento
tan triste.
Aqui espero tu regreso
y te esperare
para siempre ...

Take this Heart for You

February 14, 2008

Take this Heart for you.
I've kept it from the world,
But I know it's safe with you.
Others have wanted to steal it,
and bruise it,
even go so far as to break it,
But I've decided to only let you have it,
because I know you have what it takes to love.

Take this Heart for you.
It belongs only to you.
Protect it from harm,
Console it through the worst,
Kiss it when it hurts;
Show it that you truly care.

It only asks to be loved,
so Love it with Everything you have to give.
I trust you with this Heart;
this heart needs your heart to live.
It needs your love throughout every day.
I completely give you this heart,
so take My heart for You.

Most Holy

February 1, 2010

God of Wonders beyond imagination,
Beyond thoughts or ponderings,
Beyond moments or memories;
You’re interwoven meticulously into gorgeous occurrences.
You outshine worldliness; Outdo Yourself on people who continuously condemn Your Holy.
O Holy, Most Holy!
Your wisdom unlocks doors,
allows those without hope to open virtuous perfection;
allows those without hope to observe honest intention;
allows those without hope to conquer tribulations.
O Holy, Most Holy!
Comfort those without hope; Perforate our souls;
Beckon our Love
to something more of
You… Love develops for You,
only You.
O Holy, Most Holy!
Forever Your Love for everyone, Forever You love everyone, Everyone loving Your forever
O Holy, Most Holy!
Complete our forever with your Love Most Holy.