Every time

Every time I wake,
the Sun sings to my soul and my soul sings praises to the Lord.
How grateful I am to rise yet again!

Every time I wake,
my bones become more brittle, my skin aging from their demands,
forever being reminded that I am human.
Every time I wake,
your face breaks through the light, haunting my thoughts,
and I am burdened by your memory.

Every time, I pray for the strength to get through another day.

Every time I take a step,
through the moments,
through the breaths,
through the thoughts,
through the dreams,
through the mists,
through the memories,
you are present, yet fleeting,
and I am left empty...

Every time,
I expect you to be there,
waiting for me on my way home...



What took you so long, my darling?



Every time, I pray for the strength to get through this day.







Sorry, I couldn't make it.
you  are alive, here, inside my heart,
yet here, in this outside world, you are nothing
but the reflection of the ghost of a man
I once knew...
Every time I close my eyes,
your image floats through my mind,
and I am left reaching out yet grasping only Air.
Everytime I close my eyes,
the storm is relentless within, the Winds piercing
and crushing my heart, yet I am almost to the shore.

Every time I close my eyes,
the stars inside my mind seem to whisper
louder than the sound of your silence, I am not alone.

Everytime, I pray for the strength to get through today.

stressing

the stress is compressing my chest
it's at it's best, this darkness won't rest; I need Your light to profess:
MY LIFE IS A MESS!
come fix me, rid me of this hex
cause what's next, just might slip...
right out of my hand
but you understand :
that true love is greater than good sex,
for intimacy with You knows no end,
for knowing truth leads to true happiness,
that beyond the grave, lies no more sadness;
that along the way, though I might break and cave,

You are the provider of strength to get me through these days,
Initiator of faith, the One that always remains.

You are the Reason why I raise any praise.
my soul longs for the promises You made
and clings to the love You've displayed,

but right now, I need You to heal me from the pain.
please, hear these pleas, and raise me from my grave.

trust, yes, I must, for I musn't delay,
I pray my plea is heard today ...

(hear the finalized version in song: Original Song: One Almighty [sorry for the poor quality]

Sometimes

sometimes...

my thoughts regress

as the beat in my chest

looms on the dimming excess

of the pain you have left

and of the sirens of regrets

and I wonder where it all went?

how was it all spent--

so quick with no caress

to soothe these wounds, the tempest

now rages, and cages

in my desperate attempt

to flee and fly and forget.

grieving

why do I continue
to raise you
on a pedestal
when you are

WORTH LESS

than the least of men?

my mind is blurred
my tears now stain the floor
my heart has always only had hurt
and all of it due to you

i've been here before
crying on the floor,
tears overtaking my body,
losing the fight against gravity,
sinking
as I am aching
from the pain that seems
to never cease,
and not caring
who hears my grief...

Deserving of Love

I do not know why I treat you the way I do;

I feel like you deserve the best of me

but at times, I feel exactly the opposite--

that you deserve none of me.

Holding on to the past

has caused me to waste so many moments;

I know that deep within my heart,

but still,
I cannot keep my heart still
nor can I keep it away
from all the pain you have caused it in the past.

It is our past that haunts my present,
and although I genuinely want to move on
to a brighter and happier future,
I am still stuck in the mindset of our yesterdays.

I want to forgive and forget.
I pray for the strength to look past all our iniquities.
Hey, if Jesus could do it,
why can't I forgive you 77 x 7 times?
Why do I still struggle to just accept
what has been done, and move on?
It is so simple to do
and yet so difficult to get started on.

I search my heart, my mind, my soul;
what is it about my life that I feel stuck in this anger?
I want to let go,
to be able to fully move on,
and live a life of happiness--
the life that I deserve to live.
The life that you deserve, as well.

You deserve the moon and the stars,
the brightest lights to keep shining for you,
so bright that you are blinded by their beauty
and yet, you can't help but keep looking on.

You deserve the tightest hug and deepest kiss,
both of which would be incomplete without the other,
both of which would let you know that you are loved,
that you are protected and desired;
that there is my set of arms and my set of lips that needs yours.

You deserve A kiss that is electric fuzz fire,
that ignites into the deepest intricacies of you,
that laces itself through your bones and
that emanates from you with a heat so unforgiving,
the only way to deal with its intensity
is to just accept it as such.

You deserve the sweetest smile, everytime,
to know that you mean the world to me,
to know that you do make me smile,
that you stir in me a joy that can cause my world to
shift from misery to glory in less than an instant.

You deserve A heart that knows your own,
that is willing to get to know your own,
in all its imperfections and worries and glories,
and that is a complement to your own;
a heart that can beat just as fast and just as strong,
without cease, without exhaust.

You deserve the softest hand to hold through it all,
and a supportive voice to encourage you through your flaws;
you deserve these things because, although you are a Mountain Man to me (strong and willed), when you lack that strength, you will never be alone,
for my hand and my voice will be there for you.

You deserve all of this and more because I do as well...
We deserve happiness.

The question is:
Are we willing to REALLY try again? To actually forgive and forget?
To move on and accept that happiness is available if we just try (if I just try...)?
To give each other that heart that will be safe and warm?
To envelop eachother with the beautiful silken lips that stir the soul?
To lay down the flaws and embrace the Imperfect Perfection that is so wonderful?
Love is the answer to everything.

But if Love is knocking already,

so strong and persistent,
why can't I answer?

Unfaithful

There is a loud temptation at our door

and yet, my innocent hello

is silenced by your secret that we can no longer ignore...

Your prior engagements

leave us with no commitments;

this lust is just entrusted
to a marriage of burdern now corrupted.

Your actions prove no justive,

& yet our desires continue erupting.

Your years of experience

overshadow my sweetness--

as you sip at the honey of my lips,
and tightly grip my yearning hips,
you rise and thrust like ten rocket ships;

Why did it have to come to this?

She thinks you're a Saint of a Man,
always wearing that ring on your hand,

but like a kitten, you lap at the milk of my bowl,

making sure not a single, wet drop is left of my soul,
and there is still a loud knocking at our door,

Perhaps it is too much for us to ignore...

May God forgive us for we act as if we do not know.

Hidden Hearts

Occluded from her, as the sun sets,

we share the quiet night.

These hidden hearts

will eventually come into light.

As the sun greets us

once again,

my heart knows

this is one it can't win,

But why are you the epitomy of my sincerity?

In all honesty, I wish for some clarity

to guide your rationality

so that you could see that you simply belong with me.

And yet, you share your warmth with her,

but all I am able to share in are stolen smiles,

and all the while, I'm hoping to pass this trial.

My heart has a verdict--knowingly guilty,

yet innocent in its claim,
yours is the name

it dwells on at night,

and what a shame that I must rid you from my sight...
For with one more stolen glance,
I could fall too deep,
deep into an abyss of a love I can't keep.

Subsequent Sentiments

speechless

emotionless

timeless

senseless

empowered

released
relieved

reinstated

rising

surmising

surpassing

and growing

and all of this
due to us;
I thank my lucky stars
and the Sun above.

in the light of Hope

caught in the tangles of life

motionless

without a stir of sentiments

confused
distraught

brief seconds of contentness

are pursued--

almost chased down,
thrown down and beat down--
by the shadow of nothingness

what do i do?

a Light needs to be bright

for it to fulfill its purpose

and yet, aspirations
of any illumination
are what keep me weaving on.

For my Eyes Only

This is not for you

This is all just for me

I am strong

I am confident

I am motivated
I am determined
and most importantly,

I am hopeful.

I will find love,
I will find mutual support,
I will find commitment,
I will find devotion.

I know what I did wrong,
I know I wasn't happy,
I know that I was settling for less than I deserved,
for less than I really wanted.

I wanted to believe in you,

I wanted to believe in us,
but after everthing was said and done,
we were both forcing a current to flow against its destiny,
a flow against its course,
but we finally admitted this run was at its end.

Things were good once,

but things do change.

People change, and
we clearly did exactly that.

And I still weep every night,
but that's part of the healing process.
I weep for the bad, for the good,

for the wrong, for the right,

for that sweet touch that will not be shared again.
But those same once-gentle hands laid force against me,
and it was because I let it happen. Why?

Time will give me an answer.

There is no blame,

no fault,
no hurt,
no regret,

no remorse.

Just forgiveness.
and wisdom.

And hope,
for a better future,
for a happiness that awaits me eagerly.

Standing Time

Only time will tell.

Only Time will let us see if this is meant to be.

I know what I have to do,

and I know that you know what you have to do, as well,
but I don't know if you will have the courage to do it.

I think you will be a coward,
and I think you will keep making mistakes,
and whats more,
I know that even after more mistakes,
you will still want me,
but it will be too late.

So don't be a coward.
Stand up for what you believe in,
stand up for what you know is good,

for what you know is right.

Stand up and do not fall.
Stand up and rise above.

Stand up and show me
that you are courageous enough
and strong enough
to stand by my side
through it all.

Rain

As the raindrops slowly fall,
gradually accumulating on the once-dry cement floor,
memories of the past slowly wet my mind,
inhibiting my thoughts from grasping the present reality.

As the raindrops first begin,
unknowingly clustering as an empty mass above my head,
my eyes close
and my face welcomes their stain on my skin.

I am
Saturated,
Consumed,
and the stains begin to feel my own.
But I urge myself to head home.

And yet,
as the raindrops
.`.`.`.`.gently.`.`
.`.`.`.slither.`.`.`
.`.`.`.`.down.`.`.`.`
`.`.`.`.the.`.`.`.`.
.`.`.`.`.`.window`.`.,
forming families every now and then only to

B UR ST

and

s e p a r a t e
from how saturated
they have become,

my hands writhe against the cold table,
itching for an escape.


It was inevitable.

And no roof could ever prevent their seeping presence.

This Journey of Mine

I was slowly sinking into endless blackness,
heading for a road of dark and dim despair...
I felt like I had caged myself in,
sittin' and chillin' as I was sinnin',
and my mind went numb, my body caved in,
and something evil took over.
I was now somewhere I had never been.
So unhappy, so far away from the light, and
I went crazy , my mind raced with fear and and thought of no escape,
I had no ability to understand what was happening,
but all I knew was that I desperately wanted out,
tobefreefromthisthingthatwastryingtotake me.

As I cried inside and begged to have control again,
that was when, like a hand from above,
He spoke to me.
He held me.
He held me close to His heart and said that I would be okay.
He told me that I could choose the darkness or the light,
and I eagerly reached for the hopeful light,
and my eyes forever shut out the darkness.
I finally see with clarity how this journey goes,
and
My feet have been planted firmly on this road before me,
and with the light to guide me, I can start this new year of life--
this new year that I have been so mercifully blessed with.

I promise to never go back to the darkness.

Sweet Water,
Oh Sweet Water. You are always what I have needed.

And I thank that Hand for reaching out to me,
for helping me get up and keep walking.

Limitless Flight

From rooftop to rooftop,
The World is Limitless;
The horizon forever outstretching.
As the sun glistens so bright,
A cool breeze caresses my skin,
and reminds me that I'm alive.

As the pidgeon flies free,
I yearn to do the same,
to go where my heart desires
with nothing to hold me back.
But then I lift my eyes from this page,
and close them to feel the warmth of the sunlit day on my face.

Where am I?

On the terrace of new dreams, of new life,
of new chances.
I can fly away as the wind does,
touching the endless corners of this World.
I can fly, for there is not one single cloud in the sky
to hold me back.

The sun is bright and although the chills set in,
it is a new day, a new life, a new chance
to Fly...
wherever my heart truly desires.

Toxic Cure

smooth sensation
red and fluid
hard against the pain
soft against the mind
easy to swallow
and easy to cope with

why cant it always be just like this?
soft to the touch in everything that i do
my mind is foggy,
a mist of never happenenings
and what can be's
a mist of surprises
and secret desires

talk to me a little longer
tell me your secrets
let my heart be your refuge
and let me hide in your love

Freedom

Betrayed
Beyond Repair
in more ways than flesh...
In spirit , in love,
all lies
just lies

A year to show me the truth
A year to pass by so I can see the truth;
the truth you were too afraid to tell.
But the truth always finds its way,

because "The Truth shall set you free"

and now,

because of the occluded life you lived,

that life of secrets that is no more,

I am free.

Freedom is Sweet--

for after the truth there is nothing left.

With nothing left, I can start to live

because now there is nothing to lose;

I have nothing to lose because you were never really mine,

Interesting that now you want to belong to me.

But, did you know--I don't want you anymore:

I choose my Freedom.

Sweet Deception

I was so naive,
I was deceived by your sweetness.
I was nothing more but your next prey
and my soul is now devoured completely.

I'm stuck in this fog
and I can't see what's in front of me,
I only know where I've been and where I came from;
And somehow, you're stuck here with me.

I try to break free from the cold winds,
but my lungs are constricted more and more
and the more I try to move forward into the blindness
the more I do not sway from where I am.

The ice has settled
and I am numb.

All Of Me

Lord take this broken heart
and these broken wings
and help me Fly again
with the power of Your love
Lord I give You my soul
There's nothing left to hide
'Cause now all the I need
is the Love from Your Light

CHORUS:
Lord, Jesus Christ
I'm giving it all
I give you my life
'cause You gave up Yours
For the sins of the world
and even though I may Fall,
I just want You to know that
I'm giving You All of me.

(repeat)

Chained to Love

Regardless of the distance that is physically between
My heart is still tied down to your love

It can't break free

It can't fly away
And It doesn't even want to . . .

This Love and this Fire

That Burns Through me

Can't be tamed by new winds

or the oceans between
Because neither the sky nor the sea
Can break the hold you have on me.

Your love, so beautiful
so dangerous, so precious,
so consuming, so delirious,
so incandescent and serious,

has changed me

and has become
something I can't live without.

Though I'm terrified
of what may come to be,
Your love and your memory
have become ingrained in me
to the point where
your chains are what have set me free.

Burning

One day , and everything can change
Two hours, and nothing left remains
Three words, where's my strength?
Are we really doing this again?

No one knows our story
No one sees the victory
No one feels the pain to be apart
No one hears my crying heart

The more I love you
The more I drown inside
inside the memories
inside the past
so deep down
lost
with no escape

Burning,
My heart is burning,
Consumed,
On fire,
for the love that no one understands,
not even us.

No matter the distance between
Or how many different routines,
My heart always clings to your hand,
Because I love you more than you can
ever come to understand.

This isn't as crazy as it seems.
Trust me. Please.

So, tell me one thing:
Where are you now?