Starshine

We are made from the Stars.
Visible commodities
floating through space
and time.
and Why?
You may ask...
Why
are we here?
Isn't it clear?

We simply are
rotating bodies,
here, below, and
above and beyond...
Does anyone else know that we are
here?

The flesh is not strong
to withstand what is coming,
outside our parallel universe.
Revelation.

We simply are
decaying bodies,
resting and moving,
growing and expanding.
Relativity.


patterns
p at t e r ns
p  a  t  t  e  r  n  s
p    a   t   t   e    r    n   s
e x p a n d i n g u n i v e r s e

We simply are
Spirits among the Stars...
there lies the reason for more.
The need for more.
The want for more.
Genesis.

We used to be at the center of it all,
but time has proven otherwise.

We are finding Justifications
for our speculations...
We simply are

fleeting constellations.

Sometimes

sometimes...

my thoughts regress

as the beat in my chest

looms on the dimming excess

of the pain you have left

and of the sirens of regrets

and I wonder where it all went?

how was it all spent--

so quick with no caress

to soothe these wounds, the tempest

now rages, and cages

in my desperate attempt

to flee and fly and forget.

Rain

As the raindrops slowly fall,
gradually accumulating on the once-dry cement floor,
memories of the past slowly wet my mind,
inhibiting my thoughts from grasping the present reality.

As the raindrops first begin,
unknowingly clustering as an empty mass above my head,
my eyes close
and my face welcomes their stain on my skin.

I am
Saturated,
Consumed,
and the stains begin to feel my own.
But I urge myself to head home.

And yet,
as the raindrops
.`.`.`.`.gently.`.`
.`.`.`.slither.`.`.`
.`.`.`.`.down.`.`.`.`
`.`.`.`.the.`.`.`.`.
.`.`.`.`.`.window`.`.,
forming families every now and then only to

B UR ST

and

s e p a r a t e
from how saturated
they have become,

my hands writhe against the cold table,
itching for an escape.


It was inevitable.

And no roof could ever prevent their seeping presence.

Limitless Flight

From rooftop to rooftop,
The World is Limitless;
The horizon forever outstretching.
As the sun glistens so bright,
A cool breeze caresses my skin,
and reminds me that I'm alive.

As the pidgeon flies free,
I yearn to do the same,
to go where my heart desires
with nothing to hold me back.
But then I lift my eyes from this page,
and close them to feel the warmth of the sunlit day on my face.

Where am I?

On the terrace of new dreams, of new life,
of new chances.
I can fly away as the wind does,
touching the endless corners of this World.
I can fly, for there is not one single cloud in the sky
to hold me back.

The sun is bright and although the chills set in,
it is a new day, a new life, a new chance
to Fly...
wherever my heart truly desires.

Just Words

Words have the power to affect a life in ways undescribable.
Words have the power to break a heart further, or heal it entirely.

I've always wanted that type of love that makes me want to boldy speak
I LOVE YOU
from the top of a mountain,
because the True Love that I want is the
crazy,
consuming,
can't-live-without-each-other

type of Love.

And I have found all the Love I could ever be consumed with in Your Word.

I can't live without You
and even when I can't live anymore,
I will still have You.

How amazing is it to know that Your Word

outlasts any words that could leave my lips

or touch my heart.

Your Word has shown me how to be,
how to forgive,
and most importantly how to love.

You always know the right thing to say to me when I feel broken,
when I feel alone, when I feel low and unworthy...

After all my nights of wading in the silence

your words are the only ones that have striked me like a lightning bolt,

and that have changed my sight from darkness to light, showing me love in all its potentiality, in all its power.

And to You, there are just so many words gushing from my heart,
but I just need You to understand how much you've made the following two words mean to me:
Thank You.

Thank You for every thing;
Thank You for every day,
Thank You for every one,
Thank You for every word,

Thank You for every moment

that has led me back to you,
and that has
let me breathe in Your Love
just a little bit more,

and yet,
I know that
no words
will ever be

enough.

Toxic Cure

smooth sensation
red and fluid
hard against the pain
soft against the mind
easy to swallow
and easy to cope with

why cant it always be just like this?
soft to the touch in everything that i do
my mind is foggy,
a mist of never happenenings
and what can be's
a mist of surprises
and secret desires

talk to me a little longer
tell me your secrets
let my heart be your refuge
and let me hide in your love

Sweet Deception

I was so naive,
I was deceived by your sweetness.
I was nothing more but your next prey
and my soul is now devoured completely.

I'm stuck in this fog
and I can't see what's in front of me,
I only know where I've been and where I came from;
And somehow, you're stuck here with me.

I try to break free from the cold winds,
but my lungs are constricted more and more
and the more I try to move forward into the blindness
the more I do not sway from where I am.

The ice has settled
and I am numb.

Through it All

When the music fades

When the outside is cold

and unwelcoming,

When the winds are harsh against my flesh,

and I can't go on anymore...

There You are.
Your Love inside my Heart,

You remind me that everything is alright,

You never let me forget that You are here

with me,

through it all.

When I'm alone and my soul cries out

When the pain is unbearable
and I can't say a word
When no one else dares to listen
to my brokenness,
and the music can't suffice me anymore,

There You are.
Your Love burns in my Heart,
You remind me that it's all okay,
I can't forget that You are here
with me,
through it all.

When the world seems too heavy,
When the words exist just to fill a void,
and when the sounds fight over the silence,
and the silence wins yet again,

There You are.
Forever with me in my heart,
Reminding me: I'm always here,
with you,
through it All.

All Of Me

Lord take this broken heart
and these broken wings
and help me Fly again
with the power of Your love
Lord I give You my soul
There's nothing left to hide
'Cause now all the I need
is the Love from Your Light

CHORUS:
Lord, Jesus Christ
I'm giving it all
I give you my life
'cause You gave up Yours
For the sins of the world
and even though I may Fall,
I just want You to know that
I'm giving You All of me.

(repeat)

Vile Eyes

Mutual understanding is the key;

If I am in this 100% of the way,

but you're on the side lines with a 'nay'

or with a 'I don't know what to say,'
then just don't be with me.

I'm in the most beautiful place in the world;

I'm experiencing the best time of my life,
and if you feel like
all you can contribute is strife,
then by all means, don't get in the way,
don't waste my time.

I was excited, ,
elated,
and thrilled,
to see your face again,
to hear your voice again.
And yet all you could say was
nothing,
killing me a little inside again,
making my heart slowly die again.

Your grunts of disappointment,
your stories of missed appointments...
Your empty stares and forced smiles,
your eyes have now turned vile...

adding extreme negation,
subtracting from my mood of elation

And yet,
I'm diverging from your disease,
because you see, "I'm doing me,"
and this life overseas
does more than please;

And it does so
in more ways
than you ever could

Dance of the Butterflies

Your presence is so strong , I feel the weight of Your Love as I gaze upon these beautiful entities you have gracefully and mercifully placed before me.
“Hope which was lost, now stands renewed” as I stand on this hill gazing over the city of Your Life.

The wind whispers among the wings of butterflies.
They dance, they float, they flirt;
their colors reflect the joy you have brought to my life.
Without effort, they already embrace Your presence.

Your love is here and so am I.
I am so grateful for this chance to stand in awe before You.

“You alone are Good”
Just like the dance of the butterflies, I am trying to get closer to Your wind of Mercy; with every breeze that whisps through my soul, I feel myself shiver from the immensity of You.

“You alone are Good.”
Just like the dance of the butterflies, I am flying endlessly searching for a place of rest; with every movement of my wings, I feel myself reach You a little more.
And although another strong wind may come and change my course of flight, I know that in the end, Your Love will guide me back—back to the joy You have brought to my life.

A leaf falls, dancing gracefully on the air of your hand.

The grass, like a sea of life laid before me, undulates and rises,
dancing to the melody of the wind.

The sun shines brightly, only to hide its face behind a cloud of innocence;
and this valley of Your Life still shines regardless
if the light is hidden from my eyes--for I can always feel Your Light

dancing

in my eyes,
in my heart,
in my soul.

The Butterflies know this too, as they dance without stop.

As I look on to their dance of endless wings,
all I can think of is how I got to be this lucky;
how did I end up so blessed with your Love. .
I don’t know how it happened or when,
because I was so weak and lost before—
but all I know now is that I am so grateful;


I am so grateful because You are so Good.

Evidence of a Soul

Oh, my Soul;
I know how you long to be free,
to be in a place where you can fly.
But for now, you are confined
to the walls of my skin;

I feel your pulse as it emanates from my heart

and ends as it impacts my bones,

yet if you could,

you would keep beating against my flesh

until you've won your liberty,

into the open air.

You long for more than what you have been given,

for that which seems so far out of reach, yet so close you could almost

kiss.
You long for that undescribable beauty
of celestial standards,
yet you are bound to my simple, terrestrial existence--
an existance which classifies you
as a soul that will remain
forever simple and mundane.

But, please,
keep beating against the confines of my bones,
because if you do,
at least I know you exist,
and that may perhaps prove
an existance beyond

simply

flesh.

Once Again

I believed our paths were not to cross
and yet,
just like a warm breeze that kindly caresses
and softly cradles the soul,
I saw your beautiful face again;
and your bright eyes
shone into my heart once again,
and they let me know
you still love me.

And because of that one look from you,
after what felt like a year of empty stares
from other empty, worthless eyes,
I am caught up again,
instantly;
sweetly seduced once again.

What am I to do?
Should I return to your heart,
that once felt so safe,
that may be safe to trust again,
that may prove to me that Love is worth waiting for?
Should I return to your arms,
that kept me warm during the cold,
that held me close when I felt so far,
that may protect me from all my fears?

Or
Should I depart from your sight,
and keep searching for a new horizon
for a new start...
for a chance to prove to myself
that I can stand firm alone.

Where is Love to guide me?
Where will Love take me,
if I let my heart reign again...

Once again,
my heart beats fast for you,
my eyes look only for you,
my hand is longing for your touch,
my lips are yearning for your warmth,
and my soul is waiting...
Once again,
faith, hope, and Love remain
and I am reaching out for an answer.

Empty Truth

When life goes on, day by day,
slowly,
as the hours tick away
mercilessly and incessantly,
I cannot bare how things have become.

I used to have it all
and there are those that look at me,
and see my smile as it exposes an invalid truth,
for it seems as though my world is safe,
for it seems as though I am alright.

But this smile that seems so warm and welcoming
blinds them from the real me;
this smile allows me to keep a distance
and shelter all the hidden truths,
the hidden pains,
the countless disappointments.

They say they care about me
but they cannot tolerate my heart,
they won't care to listen,
for my heart has too much sadness
and who wants to hear only stories of sadness?

If I were to share my stories,
the stories of love and loss,
the stories of life and death,
I would still be left alone
with empty words
and empty breaths.
I would still be trying to recapture
my self, a self that has been
blindly whispered into the winds,
roaming the earth
desperately seeking a truth
and finding nothing but empty air.

Wanting

There is this feeling of wanting more
This feeling of wanting so much more
Than what I have been dealt with…

My heart aches for that something more,
And I can’t figure out what it is that I Need.


I have my family
My friends
My education
And I had love.
Lucky, I know.
But… I am left feeling as if something is still missing

And most importantly,
I have God, always and forever.
The only Always & Forever
I can actually
Depend on.

So what is it that I still need??

I am trying to listen to my heart
But it’s muffled,
Almost silent,
As if the remnants of a
Chord that dissipated into
A Dark, starry night;

And all that is left
Is a muted buzz.

CrossRoads

What to do?
I do not know where to go from here;
This is a sad place: It is a sad place because I have always placed love on a pedestal,
making it the most important mission of my life. I only ever wanted love.

This is a sad place: A cross-roads where my heart is torn right down the middle, between everything I cherished and everything I Adore.

I know that both roads lead to Him, though one is narrow and direct and the other is wide and swerving. But my impatient heart can't bare how long both those roads are, and how long it will take to travel them.

The wide road has all of my past, including your memories and all our moments
and all our love-that-was; this road has all those moments visible and bare and exposed. And on this road, you are still there.

And yet the other road, the direct road, has all the same memories,
except over the agonizingly painful moments there is a Cross. This Cross has one highly-appreciated service: it blocks from my sight the pain, the loneliness, the torture.
But on this road, I also can't see the future.
So I am a scared.

I am torn down the middle.
My heart longs to travel the road of Crosses,
but I worry that you won't be there in the future.
I know that the road with my life’s memories, bare and naked and exposed, may still have you, but it doesn't have the future I long for; a future that shines bright because of God's curing and unending light.

It is a sad place because I have always placed love on a pedestal,
making it the most important mission of my life.
But now, Love is the priority; the Love of Christ and
by embellishing my heart in this True Love,
I am
drowning my sorrows
and trading them
for the safety of the Lord.

I hope you're at the end of the road with me, sharing in Love,
but even if you're not,
I'm starting my journey on the road with Crosses.
I am
going the distance
so that True Love
can be my only, direct guide.

Bliss.

December 2007

Do you see?

It's a blanket of Bliss falling from the sky.

Oh, How I wish to just melt into it,

Have it softly lay itself upon me,
Engulf me,

So that I may see the world through Blissful Eyes.

I could lay there for hours,
Become an Angel of the Snow,
Forget all the troubles,
and woes,
and sorrows,
and pains;
Be environed by Only Bliss.
As I lay there,
every snowflake upon my face
would become a
part of me.
And I'd dream for it,
and wish for it,
Until I become Pure Bliss,
and finally have
Eternal Peace.

Angel

March 2, 2010

The Angels are coming
to take you
away,
away from here,
away from us.
They told me
to tell you,
that everything is alright.
We will mourn,
but we will also
rejoice;
For then, you will be
an Angel
among angels.

Beautiful Demise

March 7, 2007

Ay! See how she sits properly
Staring warily, yet blissfully,
Out of the sun-soaked window.
With so many thoughts we’d die to know,
As her mind is riveting with care,
While she acknowledges the change in the air.
With a grace that cannot be compared,
She repositions herself in the chair.
The world as seen from the outside
Triggers something unseen on the inside
And this new light finds place in her eyes,
Twinkling with beautiful demise,
For she alone holds the meaning of life.