Unfaithful

There is a loud temptation at our door

and yet, my innocent hello

is silenced by your secret that we can no longer ignore...

Your prior engagements

leave us with no commitments;

this lust is just entrusted
to a marriage of burdern now corrupted.

Your actions prove no justive,

& yet our desires continue erupting.

Your years of experience

overshadow my sweetness--

as you sip at the honey of my lips,
and tightly grip my yearning hips,
you rise and thrust like ten rocket ships;

Why did it have to come to this?

She thinks you're a Saint of a Man,
always wearing that ring on your hand,

but like a kitten, you lap at the milk of my bowl,

making sure not a single, wet drop is left of my soul,
and there is still a loud knocking at our door,

Perhaps it is too much for us to ignore...

May God forgive us for we act as if we do not know.

Hidden Hearts

Occluded from her, as the sun sets,

we share the quiet night.

These hidden hearts

will eventually come into light.

As the sun greets us

once again,

my heart knows

this is one it can't win,

But why are you the epitomy of my sincerity?

In all honesty, I wish for some clarity

to guide your rationality

so that you could see that you simply belong with me.

And yet, you share your warmth with her,

but all I am able to share in are stolen smiles,

and all the while, I'm hoping to pass this trial.

My heart has a verdict--knowingly guilty,

yet innocent in its claim,
yours is the name

it dwells on at night,

and what a shame that I must rid you from my sight...
For with one more stolen glance,
I could fall too deep,
deep into an abyss of a love I can't keep.

Immobility in the Storms

I will make it through this storm--

although the winds are harsh and sharp against my wounds,
I will make it through whether you are there or not.

I can't turn off what I feel,
all the pain, the love, the pain,

the memories;

vivid in my mind
seared into my heart...
although
I scream inside, "No More!"--
what is there left for me to do?

I can't seem to move.

I close my eyes ,
but my heart can't forget your image
and my skin crawls at the thought of another.

Is this all there is for me?

Almost a prisoner,
without a desire to escape,
I can't seem to move.

Freedom

Betrayed
Beyond Repair
in more ways than flesh...
In spirit , in love,
all lies
just lies

A year to show me the truth
A year to pass by so I can see the truth;
the truth you were too afraid to tell.
But the truth always finds its way,

because "The Truth shall set you free"

and now,

because of the occluded life you lived,

that life of secrets that is no more,

I am free.

Freedom is Sweet--

for after the truth there is nothing left.

With nothing left, I can start to live

because now there is nothing to lose;

I have nothing to lose because you were never really mine,

Interesting that now you want to belong to me.

But, did you know--I don't want you anymore:

I choose my Freedom.

Sweet Deception

I was so naive,
I was deceived by your sweetness.
I was nothing more but your next prey
and my soul is now devoured completely.

I'm stuck in this fog
and I can't see what's in front of me,
I only know where I've been and where I came from;
And somehow, you're stuck here with me.

I try to break free from the cold winds,
but my lungs are constricted more and more
and the more I try to move forward into the blindness
the more I do not sway from where I am.

The ice has settled
and I am numb.

A Day in the Life of a Journalist

January 8, 2010

You see this world for what it really is
At last you see the shine and the grime the dumpsters and the buildings the gambling and the bidding of young executives and of prostitutes that have been in the business for too long You see the endless trash the cars whether they speed or crash the pedestrians as they walk even if they are doing it all wrong speeding and stopping halting and flaunting but they never do it right Next thing you hear are the sounds of the night the repetitive drawls of bus engines starting and breaking down the numerous shouts of drunk teens as they lose function of their motor skills the subtle quick inhalations of the smoker late for a meeting in town and the whispered prayers of the homeless as they hope to endure the winter chills
You read the headlines stories all just stories You read faces more stories to be told You read the nutritional information on the side of some menu there is no story there There are stories on the street but all you do is walk on
This morning I saw an accident Or the remains of the accident An ambulance in all its glory and the streets shouting a story There was Blood yet the doors to the vehicle were shut and I could not get Lady Gaga’s song out of my head but something inside knew the story before me would go on unsaid
You are now passing an electronics store with windows that run for miles and each television you can see has Tiger Woods and the list of his whores that runs for miles You see some people stop and stare and comment and shake their heads disapprovingly and you walk on that story should have been left unsaid
About one o’clock now your stomach grumbles and you hunger for a satisfying bite No need to fight the urge you want a burger a cheeseburger or maybe you feel wild and you want a double cheeseburger to surge in you and last until dinner later that night You know not to indulge though because the nutritional value of such a thing would be horrendous and you would then have to surrender to a gym membership Besides if you had that burger the homeless would still go hungry
You leave temptation and you are now on 10th An elderly woman is crossing the street and you feel like you should help and as you proceed you notice your shoe is untied and you let the moment of putting others first pass you by O why O why was your shoe untied at that exact moment in time She walked on leaving you behind and you are bent down tying and untying and retying and just tying away all your precious time
Now you walk on across the city to the riverside You pass by streets of stores just stores merchandise that are pointless and useless like a Snuggie as seen on t v or merchandise that are useful but unexplainably expensive like a pair of gloves or earmuffs You wonder whether you should buy some because of the winter chills you must endure It’s a test of endurance we all must face Yet you walk on
You pass by payphones and remember that talk you had with your grandfather when he was telling you about how in his day there were no such things as telephones so you had to make personal house calls if any story was to be told You pass by an empty shopping cart tied to a hydrant You pass by a pair of sneakers hanging from the telephone wires You pass by a bar and suddenly the street lights go on
From the street you can hear the roar of the soccer game as it plays on the flat screen t v inside the bar You can hear the grunts of disgruntled men who are sipping away their sorrows You can almost feel the pinches that the waitresses are receiving as they pass by the disgruntled men You see that one of those men happen to be a co-worker but you walk on because there is no story to share between you and him But a bar fight breaks loose and you are inclined to stay and see if there is a story
The chills the skills the town this place of no ups only downs this bar the lights shine eerily on the car you see you hear you feel the first punch the crack of the first jaw and the wobble in your knees This story might be one to please your boss But you walk on

You refuse to be a prostitute

a sad story

Couples in the City

December 5, 2009

I believe it was yesterday that Mario and I were finally going out to celebrate our two-year anniversary of being in a committed relationship to one another, and I stress the committed part because we are trying as best as we can to place our Glorious God first and abide by His rules. It is not an easy task but it is one that we both know is worth the while and worth the wait.

Mario had planned for us an adventure in Bryant Park to ice skate and watch the annual tree lighting and afterwards to sit in the grass and sip his homemade hot chocolate and gaze at any stars we might encounter on his sesame street blanket (because his mom is so insistent on keeping everything in his room from his infancy) and I was looking forward to it but when we arrived at the scene and when we were waiting on line, I suddenly began to feel a wobble in my knees and a shiver down my spine, and this is not to say that the situation itself wasn’t great; it is simply to say that sometimes I am tired and don’t always want to take part in the activities that he plans. We did wait on line for a while but we decided that perhaps that wasn’t the best time to go ice skating, also greatly taking into consideration the fact that there were about three hundred people all trying to gather on the little ice area that was designated for skating. We ended up sitting on the side of the rink, front row seats, and saw the performances by some synchronized ice-skating group and also by a young woman who is to be at the upcoming 2010 winter Olympics in Vancouver, although to be honest with you, it all seems better and more extravagant on television.

Eventually. 10. It became time for the lighting ceremony. 9. And as the lights were about to go on, 8, keeping in mind that this, 7, definitely was not the Rockefeller tree, 6, I saw how excited my love was, 5, at his plans, 4, and at how he thought I felt the same, 3. I was happy. So happy. 2. And just like that, the lights went on. 1.

Next, since the hot chocolate didn’t come to pass, I suggested going to Olive Garden and we did and we waited an hour and half for pasta. Just pasta. I will never understand what is the popular notion behind this so called Olive Garden, which should really be called just “Here’s some Pasta that costs 60$ for no particular reason” and after our meal we walked around Times Square.

We came across these red steps, you know the ones? I wasn’t all too excited about it because as I usually tend not to go with the flow of the popular crazes at the moment, like the Twilight phase or The Office contagion, I wasn’t so eager to climb up those steps that were filled with eager people. However, I did and we went to the top and could see the ball that was to drop at the start of the New Year and we could see all these fantastic lights and hear all these filling sounds and feel this chilling air that went away with the warmth of just one kiss. Below, I noticed a couple that was actually more frigid than the air around us, for it seemed that the young man of about 20 was crying his heart out to this young woman of about the same age, yet it seemed as though she was completely embarrassed by his show of emotions. Perhaps he cheated on her, I thought. “She must have cheated on him,” said Mario as soon as he saw me looking at them. I shrugged this masochistic response and refrained myself from approaching the couple and inquiring about their state, and let my gaze flow across the streams of people that were waving through the concrete streets.

Suddenly, you hear this intense and immense and time-halting gasp from the steps and as my eyes removed themselves from the people on the street and resumed themselves to the steps, all you could see was this man down on one knee proposing to this woman, with her heart on her sleeve and her tears down her face. It was the most beautiful thing I had witnessed in such a long time. Cheers and whistles and oohs and aahs emanated from all of us spectators on the steps and I was on the verge of tears myself because I can never hold anything in, and as I looked to the newly engaged couple as they were kissing and smiling and holding hands walking down the steps, I asked Mario “Would you propose to me if that just happened? And he stole your idea?” He smiled and looked at me and said that he would not. That was a good answer… I guess, and I turned my gaze back to the streams of flowing people on the concrete street and as I gazed the sea of people, I could never find the couple that cheated on each other.

*Image provided by: http://www.liminalgroup.org/love-web3.jpg