Stardust

On that daily grind it's hard to find that peace of mind 
My steps may waver but His Love doesn't falter

He's the Sun. The brightest star like a superstar where we are just .. stardust.

And I must confess my lust for the approval of the world, 
it's in my nature as a girl, as a human, as a child, 
But if you've heard, He is Lord, and His Love is above the laws of this world. He is wild-ly and surprisingly constant. 
It's irrelevant if we've been hesitant cause He is adamant about His hate for sin, 
but He has forgiven every last offense if you seek repentance sincerely, 
do you hear me?

He's the Sun. The brightest star like a superstar and we are just .. stardust.

Yet like the dust and clay we were made to briefly stay, ephemeral.
Fleeting moments, trying to evade the fact that He has the final say, for He is eternal. 
Now, I was just a mess and my consciousness would not let Him in
When all I craved was freedom from hurt and sin

And I've heard about this man named Jesus
And how he came from the heavens to free us
But that was more than two thousand years ago.
I denied His impact on this heart 
that was desperately seeking a jumpstart.
But the more I sought for truth in the swerving youth 
that bought the lies of society 
The more I began to see 
that love was nowhere to be found.
And I helplessly cried and told myself "I'd be alright" , 
I wouldn't get jaded with the weighted burdens all around.
But when all you see is pain and all you hear is hate
its hard to elaborate on what it means to be loved.
But when I looked above I could always still see the sun.

He's the Son. The brightest star like a superstar where we are His stardust.

stressing

the stress is compressing my chest
it's at it's best, this darkness won't rest; I need Your light to profess:
MY LIFE IS A MESS!
come fix me, rid me of this hex
cause what's next, just might slip...
right out of my hand
but you understand :
that true love is greater than good sex,
for intimacy with You knows no end,
for knowing truth leads to true happiness,
that beyond the grave, lies no more sadness;
that along the way, though I might break and cave,

You are the provider of strength to get me through these days,
Initiator of faith, the One that always remains.

You are the Reason why I raise any praise.
my soul longs for the promises You made
and clings to the love You've displayed,

but right now, I need You to heal me from the pain.
please, hear these pleas, and raise me from my grave.

trust, yes, I must, for I musn't delay,
I pray my plea is heard today ...

(hear the finalized version in song: Original Song: One Almighty [sorry for the poor quality]

The Only Calm in the Storm

dark rain violently drips from the windows to my soul;
a rampaging river, fuming and crashing against jagged rocks.

raging thunders engulf the coasts of my veins—
mercilessly, relentlessly piercing the sands of my mind.

ccrrrrrack! a suffering slices itself through the air,
and my lungs are drained, hopelessly in want of breath.

the clouds furiously roll;
with haste, they completely cover the crimson horizon.

and yet, a movement among the mammatus’
exposes a Light— barely visible, this enchanting streak of gold…


for the only calm in the storm is the steady, rising, Sun.

3:29 a.m.

I was dreaming...
your image floating , steady, like a breeze.
slowly, ever so, you were almost in full view.
rising, ever so, my heart against its cage,
and then, like a swift talon bringing death,
five gun shots
stole my dream away.
they reverberated against the walls;
loud and unforgiving.
Am I still dreaming?

panicked whispers
beat mercilessly through
my windowpane,
as the white snow
incessantly
falls like the rain,
and still, your love,
leaves me without gain.

I wondered, was anyone hurt?
A small gray car pulled away,
without urgency nor hushed efforts,
driving itself deeper into the dirt.

may God amend the perilous road.

Like You

Let me take this second to introduce myself,
I am a human like you, no more no less,
I'm here to help clarify some misconceptions,
and bring back all Honor and Glory in His Direction.
See Life, this one we have, was designed with perfection,
but the One who designed it gaves us freedom of selection:
To choose what we choose and live how we may,
knowing that His Vicotry is without condemnation.
See, I can readily speak with no hesitation,
words flowing, thoughts in easy cirulation,
but the reason behing this is Capital-T Truth         for the Nations.
See, with Him, there is no End, just Eternal Salvation.
But that freedom of choice is what allowed us to bring in Sin and evil,
We exposed our own nakedness back in the Garden of Eden:
Shame and pin befell
Our own disobedience led us straight to Hell,
but uh, I don't know if you've heard:
There is hope. And it lies in the Word.
Peace of mind, free from all binds,
not caught in the sands of time,
we are liberated in divine grace,
So, Redirect your attention and come to face these lines from Scripture:
With Him , in Him, and Of him, be more like Him,
continue no sin, show Him that you Love Him.
For the Love of money and greed has got you deceived,
So, Love your Neighbor and your Enemies.
If we really believe or our eyes are beginning to see,
then the latter is the reality we need to perceive.

I've come to realize that nothing is more important than Him.
That this life I hold in my hands was once drowning in Sin,
But because He came, Died, Resurrected, and will come Again,
My life belongs in His hands, His Viictory: My Win.
And It's a shame some don't know his Name and everything he's done,
He's healed the blind and the lame, and He died to make you His Son.
But pfft, what Do I know? I'm just a Human Like you.
But wait, ! He saved my life, and that is some pretty good news...

Unfaithful

There is a loud temptation at our door

and yet, my innocent hello

is silenced by your secret that we can no longer ignore...

Your prior engagements

leave us with no commitments;

this lust is just entrusted
to a marriage of burdern now corrupted.

Your actions prove no justive,

& yet our desires continue erupting.

Your years of experience

overshadow my sweetness--

as you sip at the honey of my lips,
and tightly grip my yearning hips,
you rise and thrust like ten rocket ships;

Why did it have to come to this?

She thinks you're a Saint of a Man,
always wearing that ring on your hand,

but like a kitten, you lap at the milk of my bowl,

making sure not a single, wet drop is left of my soul,
and there is still a loud knocking at our door,

Perhaps it is too much for us to ignore...

May God forgive us for we act as if we do not know.

in the light of Hope

caught in the tangles of life

motionless

without a stir of sentiments

confused
distraught

brief seconds of contentness

are pursued--

almost chased down,
thrown down and beat down--
by the shadow of nothingness

what do i do?

a Light needs to be bright

for it to fulfill its purpose

and yet, aspirations
of any illumination
are what keep me weaving on.

This Journey of Mine

I was slowly sinking into endless blackness,
heading for a road of dark and dim despair...
I felt like I had caged myself in,
sittin' and chillin' as I was sinnin',
and my mind went numb, my body caved in,
and something evil took over.
I was now somewhere I had never been.
So unhappy, so far away from the light, and
I went crazy , my mind raced with fear and and thought of no escape,
I had no ability to understand what was happening,
but all I knew was that I desperately wanted out,
tobefreefromthisthingthatwastryingtotake me.

As I cried inside and begged to have control again,
that was when, like a hand from above,
He spoke to me.
He held me.
He held me close to His heart and said that I would be okay.
He told me that I could choose the darkness or the light,
and I eagerly reached for the hopeful light,
and my eyes forever shut out the darkness.
I finally see with clarity how this journey goes,
and
My feet have been planted firmly on this road before me,
and with the light to guide me, I can start this new year of life--
this new year that I have been so mercifully blessed with.

I promise to never go back to the darkness.

Sweet Water,
Oh Sweet Water. You are always what I have needed.

And I thank that Hand for reaching out to me,
for helping me get up and keep walking.

Beautiful Sound

Sweet sounds

of melodious ballads

gushing from the heart

filling the air with

a beauty
that rings everlasting

and gratefully consumes

the soul

listen,
just listen.
do you hear that?

it is life;

in all its glory
in all its talent
and my soul sings along

Through it All

When the music fades

When the outside is cold

and unwelcoming,

When the winds are harsh against my flesh,

and I can't go on anymore...

There You are.
Your Love inside my Heart,

You remind me that everything is alright,

You never let me forget that You are here

with me,

through it all.

When I'm alone and my soul cries out

When the pain is unbearable
and I can't say a word
When no one else dares to listen
to my brokenness,
and the music can't suffice me anymore,

There You are.
Your Love burns in my Heart,
You remind me that it's all okay,
I can't forget that You are here
with me,
through it all.

When the world seems too heavy,
When the words exist just to fill a void,
and when the sounds fight over the silence,
and the silence wins yet again,

There You are.
Forever with me in my heart,
Reminding me: I'm always here,
with you,
through it All.

All Of Me

Lord take this broken heart
and these broken wings
and help me Fly again
with the power of Your love
Lord I give You my soul
There's nothing left to hide
'Cause now all the I need
is the Love from Your Light

CHORUS:
Lord, Jesus Christ
I'm giving it all
I give you my life
'cause You gave up Yours
For the sins of the world
and even though I may Fall,
I just want You to know that
I'm giving You All of me.

(repeat)

A Prayer

My heart aches...
My eyes have run dry
from all the tears I've cried.

My soul clamors

and bangs

against my ribs,

against

the pangs

of my aching life

I wish I did so many things differently

What are my options?
Life
or Death;
either one can occur in just one breath.

Pop the pills or
Cut the wrists
and watch as the blood
spills,
out and away from you
and then you're healed of this life
that only ever caused you pain.

From day one, alone;
To this day, the same,

will things ever change?

I run to You
but I don't feel You anymore;
I pray for an answer..

Please show me what to do

to ease this pain,
the pain that has always been
the pain that speaks 'goodbye'
the pain that shrouds my eyes...

I always run back to You.

Don't let me fade into the darkeness;

Give me the strength to put the knife away,

to tuck it away in the corner of the cold drawer,
where the silence of my heart
won't ever again yearn its sharp death.

Alone,

huddled in the corners,
between despair and hope;

Grant me the mercy of Your Love,
Show me the Truth, I beg You;
Help me always rise above,
Show me how to live in You,
before he sweeps down
and takes me away from You . . .

Speechless Love

What is there to say when the miles in between our hearts are manifested more than just physically?
You tell me day after day that you ache for my presence, for my touch, for my kiss...
Yet, you deny me the right to any happiness because
you rip it all away the moment you ossilate in between the 'yes' and 'no';
Ofcourse, I should know better, because all you've ever been
is something in between a solid answer or a definite denial;
you've always been the middle ground that leads me nowhere.

How I wish that with every word I write, your spite and strife

your pain and might

would just erase themselves from my life...

How I wish that with every word I write, my joy my sanity

my love for humanity

would just blossom once more, out and away from your uncertainty...

How I wish that with every word I write, my soul and my eyes

my heart and my lies
would close themselves from you and breath in a new demise...

No matter how much distance comes between us,
no matter how much time seems to stand still
or how much time seems to prolong the process of healing,
there is still pain
there is still remorse
there is still regret

there is still uncertainty

No matter how much may change , you will always stay the same.
And I think I finally figured that out.

Away from your words, your heart, your touch, your kiss--a miracle has happened within my being; I want to be free. From you.

Dance of the Butterflies

Your presence is so strong , I feel the weight of Your Love as I gaze upon these beautiful entities you have gracefully and mercifully placed before me.
“Hope which was lost, now stands renewed” as I stand on this hill gazing over the city of Your Life.

The wind whispers among the wings of butterflies.
They dance, they float, they flirt;
their colors reflect the joy you have brought to my life.
Without effort, they already embrace Your presence.

Your love is here and so am I.
I am so grateful for this chance to stand in awe before You.

“You alone are Good”
Just like the dance of the butterflies, I am trying to get closer to Your wind of Mercy; with every breeze that whisps through my soul, I feel myself shiver from the immensity of You.

“You alone are Good.”
Just like the dance of the butterflies, I am flying endlessly searching for a place of rest; with every movement of my wings, I feel myself reach You a little more.
And although another strong wind may come and change my course of flight, I know that in the end, Your Love will guide me back—back to the joy You have brought to my life.

A leaf falls, dancing gracefully on the air of your hand.

The grass, like a sea of life laid before me, undulates and rises,
dancing to the melody of the wind.

The sun shines brightly, only to hide its face behind a cloud of innocence;
and this valley of Your Life still shines regardless
if the light is hidden from my eyes--for I can always feel Your Light

dancing

in my eyes,
in my heart,
in my soul.

The Butterflies know this too, as they dance without stop.

As I look on to their dance of endless wings,
all I can think of is how I got to be this lucky;
how did I end up so blessed with your Love. .
I don’t know how it happened or when,
because I was so weak and lost before—
but all I know now is that I am so grateful;


I am so grateful because You are so Good.

So Much

I take a look at my life thus far
and the crazy twists and turns
I have undergone in a matter of months
...and I cannot help but be overwhelmed with how things turned out,
...and I cannot help but keep wondering why it had to happen this way,
...and I cannot help but be extremely grateful for where I am now.

They say that Dreams really do come true,
but am I still dreaming?
Or is this reality one that I can readily embrace,
one that I can fully take on,
without being afraid of it drifting off in the wind
as a dandelion does when you make a wish upon it.

I have been foolish in my actions;
I am sorry for what I've done.
I have been hateful towards the ones I love;
I am sorry for what I've said.
I have been lost because I ignored the Light;
I am sorry for straying from the right path.
I have been selfish by placing my desires first;
I am sorry for forgetting that others matter most.

I have been given a second chance;
I am so grateful for another opportunity to be happy.
I have been lifted up by the ones that know what it means to love;
I am so grateful that they still stand by me.
I have been shown a world of forgiveness and mercy;
I am so grateful that I need not dwell on my past.

I have been granted a new life;
I am so grateful for so much and more.

When I close my eyes,
I sometimes let the darkness
sink in for a little too long,
but when life seems
to get consumed in that blackness,
I remind myself
that I have the power to open my eyes,
that I have the strength to look towards the future,
that only I can show myself the things that will take me further.

There is So Much left for me to do,
There is So Much that I have been given,
and I know that there is So Much that I can do with the gifts laid before me.

Thank You, whoever You are.

CrossRoads

What to do?
I do not know where to go from here;
This is a sad place: It is a sad place because I have always placed love on a pedestal,
making it the most important mission of my life. I only ever wanted love.

This is a sad place: A cross-roads where my heart is torn right down the middle, between everything I cherished and everything I Adore.

I know that both roads lead to Him, though one is narrow and direct and the other is wide and swerving. But my impatient heart can't bare how long both those roads are, and how long it will take to travel them.

The wide road has all of my past, including your memories and all our moments
and all our love-that-was; this road has all those moments visible and bare and exposed. And on this road, you are still there.

And yet the other road, the direct road, has all the same memories,
except over the agonizingly painful moments there is a Cross. This Cross has one highly-appreciated service: it blocks from my sight the pain, the loneliness, the torture.
But on this road, I also can't see the future.
So I am a scared.

I am torn down the middle.
My heart longs to travel the road of Crosses,
but I worry that you won't be there in the future.
I know that the road with my life’s memories, bare and naked and exposed, may still have you, but it doesn't have the future I long for; a future that shines bright because of God's curing and unending light.

It is a sad place because I have always placed love on a pedestal,
making it the most important mission of my life.
But now, Love is the priority; the Love of Christ and
by embellishing my heart in this True Love,
I am
drowning my sorrows
and trading them
for the safety of the Lord.

I hope you're at the end of the road with me, sharing in Love,
but even if you're not,
I'm starting my journey on the road with Crosses.
I am
going the distance
so that True Love
can be my only, direct guide.

And the Pheonix also Rises

This World has aged you,
taken your once innocent body
and harbored it beneath the ashes,
beneath the darkness.

You want to overcome it;
Reach out!
Fly out!
Spread your wings
for a new chance at Life!
for a New Chance into the Light!

But the flames still consume you
and your Eyes are Blinded from the
Glory beyond this World,
beyond the burden of these ashes.

Do you want to be free?

Raise up, Precious Child;
like the Phoenix, you can raise yourself up again,
out of the ashes and into a New Freedom.

Raise up, Innocent Angel;
like the Pheonix, you can go above and beyond the flames,
where the fire can
no longer harm you,
for you have a New Light on your side.

Raise up from the ashes.
Do not let the remains
of these burdens
keep
you
down.
Raise up! It is a New Day!
There will always be
a New Day.

Bliss.

December 2007

Do you see?

It's a blanket of Bliss falling from the sky.

Oh, How I wish to just melt into it,

Have it softly lay itself upon me,
Engulf me,

So that I may see the world through Blissful Eyes.

I could lay there for hours,
Become an Angel of the Snow,
Forget all the troubles,
and woes,
and sorrows,
and pains;
Be environed by Only Bliss.
As I lay there,
every snowflake upon my face
would become a
part of me.
And I'd dream for it,
and wish for it,
Until I become Pure Bliss,
and finally have
Eternal Peace.

Angel

March 2, 2010

The Angels are coming
to take you
away,
away from here,
away from us.
They told me
to tell you,
that everything is alright.
We will mourn,
but we will also
rejoice;
For then, you will be
an Angel
among angels.

Beautiful Demise

March 7, 2007

Ay! See how she sits properly
Staring warily, yet blissfully,
Out of the sun-soaked window.
With so many thoughts we’d die to know,
As her mind is riveting with care,
While she acknowledges the change in the air.
With a grace that cannot be compared,
She repositions herself in the chair.
The world as seen from the outside
Triggers something unseen on the inside
And this new light finds place in her eyes,
Twinkling with beautiful demise,
For she alone holds the meaning of life.