Through it All

When the music fades

When the outside is cold

and unwelcoming,

When the winds are harsh against my flesh,

and I can't go on anymore...

There You are.
Your Love inside my Heart,

You remind me that everything is alright,

You never let me forget that You are here

with me,

through it all.

When I'm alone and my soul cries out

When the pain is unbearable
and I can't say a word
When no one else dares to listen
to my brokenness,
and the music can't suffice me anymore,

There You are.
Your Love burns in my Heart,
You remind me that it's all okay,
I can't forget that You are here
with me,
through it all.

When the world seems too heavy,
When the words exist just to fill a void,
and when the sounds fight over the silence,
and the silence wins yet again,

There You are.
Forever with me in my heart,
Reminding me: I'm always here,
with you,
through it All.

All Of Me

Lord take this broken heart
and these broken wings
and help me Fly again
with the power of Your love
Lord I give You my soul
There's nothing left to hide
'Cause now all the I need
is the Love from Your Light

CHORUS:
Lord, Jesus Christ
I'm giving it all
I give you my life
'cause You gave up Yours
For the sins of the world
and even though I may Fall,
I just want You to know that
I'm giving You All of me.

(repeat)

Farewell

You will do well to avoid these things. Farewell.
Acts 15:29

I was thinking about a man that I love so tenderly, that I have put all my energy into loving so honestly. And I was getting sad and frustrated and angry at the fact that he doesn’t reciprocate. And so I turned to God—which I haven’t done in a while. I leaned over my pillow to grab my Bible. I dusted it off and with thoughts of this man in my head, I opened the Holy Book to any random page. And the first things my eyes set themselves on was the simple one-worded command, “Farewell.” Then the line above “You will do well to avoid these things.” Could God have been any clearer? I KNOW that God has finally given me a clear direct answer with my situation—probably because He finally sees how stubborn I am with indirect answers. How manipulative I can be if something isn’t straightforward and accommodated to my situation. And, now, here I am, with this amazing advice from above—with this perfect advice that will probably help me in more ways than I can imagine—and I am simply scared at the thought of saying ‘goodbye.’ I’ve had to say goodbye before, and I thought I was doing pretty well—until that man that I love so tenderly just surprised me with a ‘hello’ out of nowhere. And then the conversation of love continued, or so I thought; because just as quickly as he surprised me with a ‘hello,’ he attacked me with a ‘goodbye.’ And here I am, miles away from him, alone, with my heart on my sleeve, bleeding. No one will ever come to understand the amount of love that I hold for this man. Not even him: because if he really knew how much I loved him, he wouldn’t be so eager to say ‘goodbye.’ I would do anything for him, in a heartbeat, even at the cost of my heartbeat. As I sit here and let the words of the Lord sink into my heart, I am torn emotionally. I know, I FINALLY know, what to do. But I don’t know how to justify it to my heart. My heart is telling me, “What? Wait, things were getting better… Don’t worry, He will love you again!” and then it’s also trying to tell me, “Well, okay. Obviously: listen to God. He knows. But maybe, this farewell is only temporary… maybe he will love you again later on. Who knows?” And you know what, no one really knows: except God. So, I think I will say my farewell. I will not speak to the man that I love with all my heart. I am saying farewell now… And if he finally realizes what I want him to realize (even if it takes a year), then great; Then, maybe we can be together again. But that is not the only thing I will be waiting for: actually, I will not be waiting; if he doesn’t realize anything after a year’s time, hopefully I will have been healed by then and can go on living my life. My heart will still hold feelings for him, but I cannot and I will not be made a fool of any longer. I have spent over 7 months trying to show him that I can be trusted again—EVEN THOUGH I NEVER DID ANYTHING PURPOSEFULLY TO HURT HIM—and I have definitely showed him that I can be trusted again. He just insists on being stubborn and weak-minded and fickle in his decisions. And so, I will no longer be tormented by thoughts of waiting for his approval, or of just waiting for him. There’s so much pain in saying ‘farewell,’ but sometimes, farewell’s can lead to new hello’s. There’s so much pain in this world, I see it all the time: because people have been hurt so much by love. Love can be the greatest thing, but it is also the swiftest, stealthiest, and deadliest killer.
My heart aches, my tears have dried, and here I am, saying goodbye.
And I finally know that it’s the right thing to do.

Chained to Love

Regardless of the distance that is physically between
My heart is still tied down to your love

It can't break free

It can't fly away
And It doesn't even want to . . .

This Love and this Fire

That Burns Through me

Can't be tamed by new winds

or the oceans between
Because neither the sky nor the sea
Can break the hold you have on me.

Your love, so beautiful
so dangerous, so precious,
so consuming, so delirious,
so incandescent and serious,

has changed me

and has become
something I can't live without.

Though I'm terrified
of what may come to be,
Your love and your memory
have become ingrained in me
to the point where
your chains are what have set me free.

Burning

One day , and everything can change
Two hours, and nothing left remains
Three words, where's my strength?
Are we really doing this again?

No one knows our story
No one sees the victory
No one feels the pain to be apart
No one hears my crying heart

The more I love you
The more I drown inside
inside the memories
inside the past
so deep down
lost
with no escape

Burning,
My heart is burning,
Consumed,
On fire,
for the love that no one understands,
not even us.

No matter the distance between
Or how many different routines,
My heart always clings to your hand,
Because I love you more than you can
ever come to understand.

This isn't as crazy as it seems.
Trust me. Please.

So, tell me one thing:
Where are you now?

A Prayer

My heart aches...
My eyes have run dry
from all the tears I've cried.

My soul clamors

and bangs

against my ribs,

against

the pangs

of my aching life

I wish I did so many things differently

What are my options?
Life
or Death;
either one can occur in just one breath.

Pop the pills or
Cut the wrists
and watch as the blood
spills,
out and away from you
and then you're healed of this life
that only ever caused you pain.

From day one, alone;
To this day, the same,

will things ever change?

I run to You
but I don't feel You anymore;
I pray for an answer..

Please show me what to do

to ease this pain,
the pain that has always been
the pain that speaks 'goodbye'
the pain that shrouds my eyes...

I always run back to You.

Don't let me fade into the darkeness;

Give me the strength to put the knife away,

to tuck it away in the corner of the cold drawer,
where the silence of my heart
won't ever again yearn its sharp death.

Alone,

huddled in the corners,
between despair and hope;

Grant me the mercy of Your Love,
Show me the Truth, I beg You;
Help me always rise above,
Show me how to live in You,
before he sweeps down
and takes me away from You . . .

A Love Forgotten

Chest constricted
Words restricted
I almost remember what you said
Hearts evicted
Love convicted
Your memory sealed in my head

Air corrupted
So nostalgic
My heart refuses the light of day
Eyes hidden
Smiles forbidden
I can't, I just can't, if it goes on this way

A love so battered
My heart is shattered
Who can save me now?
You will hear the clatter
as my life goes under
No one can save me now.

Speechless Love

What is there to say when the miles in between our hearts are manifested more than just physically?
You tell me day after day that you ache for my presence, for my touch, for my kiss...
Yet, you deny me the right to any happiness because
you rip it all away the moment you ossilate in between the 'yes' and 'no';
Ofcourse, I should know better, because all you've ever been
is something in between a solid answer or a definite denial;
you've always been the middle ground that leads me nowhere.

How I wish that with every word I write, your spite and strife

your pain and might

would just erase themselves from my life...

How I wish that with every word I write, my joy my sanity

my love for humanity

would just blossom once more, out and away from your uncertainty...

How I wish that with every word I write, my soul and my eyes

my heart and my lies
would close themselves from you and breath in a new demise...

No matter how much distance comes between us,
no matter how much time seems to stand still
or how much time seems to prolong the process of healing,
there is still pain
there is still remorse
there is still regret

there is still uncertainty

No matter how much may change , you will always stay the same.
And I think I finally figured that out.

Away from your words, your heart, your touch, your kiss--a miracle has happened within my being; I want to be free. From you.

Flores Encantadoras

Tus Flores Encantadoras
Promesas llenas de fragancia;
Una suave brisa
que acaricia y embriaga

Aqui estoy desesperada
ajuntada y sellada,
con tu quemadura
fuerte de amor.
Aqui estoy respirando
el aire viejo,
y a lo lento
ya no siento
tu valor.

No sabes lo que me haces
quando no estas de cerca.
Quando no te escucho los pasos,
mi corazon no palpita.
Es porque me faltas tu
que la vida se me pierde.

Como al vidrio quebradizado,
estoy mirando un reflejo
que no es semejante de lo que fui.
Como al vidrio destrozado,
me miro y pienso
adonde se fue todo de mi.

Unge mi alma de tus promesas fragantes,
para que el llanto se aleje di mi corazon creciente,
para que el canto de un 'si' se une a mi;
para que el dolor y desafio no me paraliza en lo frio
para que el amor de mi vida se siente bienvenida
y todo esto a rodillas lo pido a ti.

Era blanca y pura
esa primera rosa;
Veremos si a los años
la encontraremos
igual asi...

Corazones Violados

Siento tanto dolor en mi ser.

Estoy dispuesta y desnuda a tu corazon,
o a lo que te queda de corazon;
porque ahorra solo reconosco los pedasitos delicados.

Un corazon
hecho tan frajil,
quebradizado
derrumbado
aislado
Violado...

Un corazon hecho
como la malla,
que no proteje
ni la puerta
ni la ventana;
hecho de lana
que no caricia
ni calienta,
ni sostiene.

Estoy dispuesta a ti,
para hacer lo que me pidas sin pensarlo dos veces,
y todo porque te quiero tanto.

Ahorra se lo que es sentir el dolor.
Ahorra se lo que es sentir el rencor,
Y ahorra se lo que es sentir la culpa.

Pero aqui me quedo sin duda,
esperando una luz,
o algo semejante,
para que yo sepa que todo lo mio,
y talves lo tuyo,
no se va a perder por el tiro de los vientos.

Vile Eyes

Mutual understanding is the key;

If I am in this 100% of the way,

but you're on the side lines with a 'nay'

or with a 'I don't know what to say,'
then just don't be with me.

I'm in the most beautiful place in the world;

I'm experiencing the best time of my life,
and if you feel like
all you can contribute is strife,
then by all means, don't get in the way,
don't waste my time.

I was excited, ,
elated,
and thrilled,
to see your face again,
to hear your voice again.
And yet all you could say was
nothing,
killing me a little inside again,
making my heart slowly die again.

Your grunts of disappointment,
your stories of missed appointments...
Your empty stares and forced smiles,
your eyes have now turned vile...

adding extreme negation,
subtracting from my mood of elation

And yet,
I'm diverging from your disease,
because you see, "I'm doing me,"
and this life overseas
does more than please;

And it does so
in more ways
than you ever could

On top of the World

What is there to say when your breath is stolen away.

On top of the world,

the eyes rejoice in such beauty but the voice becomes silenced.

No words can truly capture what it means to be majestical...

And on top of the world,

majesty and beauty and silence reign,

as the heart beats in rhythm

to the immensity of nature.

The breezes of the sea

are forced into me,

and the sensation is comforting.
With this new breath of life,
my body is no longer simply mine;
no longer simply an entity

on top of world--rather,

it is as if the world has fused with me

and shown me

how beautiful it can be

to rejoice in the silent,

and simply accept the beauty.

On top of the world, where the horizon kisses the sky,
where the curve of the earth is visible to the naked eye,
where my heart rejoices as I die a little inside--
dying from all this beauty that my fragile heart can not contain.
Whether it is due to the fading sun or the beginning rains,
My chest swells, rising with the waves set before me,
falling just as the waves crash desperately,
trying to invade the shore,
and I can no longer ignore
my palpitating heart,
for it beats vigorously
because
the intensity,
the immensity,
of being
on top of the world,
it just too much to contain.

as the sun fades away and new day awaits

May this beauty forever reign

Dance of the Butterflies

Your presence is so strong , I feel the weight of Your Love as I gaze upon these beautiful entities you have gracefully and mercifully placed before me.
“Hope which was lost, now stands renewed” as I stand on this hill gazing over the city of Your Life.

The wind whispers among the wings of butterflies.
They dance, they float, they flirt;
their colors reflect the joy you have brought to my life.
Without effort, they already embrace Your presence.

Your love is here and so am I.
I am so grateful for this chance to stand in awe before You.

“You alone are Good”
Just like the dance of the butterflies, I am trying to get closer to Your wind of Mercy; with every breeze that whisps through my soul, I feel myself shiver from the immensity of You.

“You alone are Good.”
Just like the dance of the butterflies, I am flying endlessly searching for a place of rest; with every movement of my wings, I feel myself reach You a little more.
And although another strong wind may come and change my course of flight, I know that in the end, Your Love will guide me back—back to the joy You have brought to my life.

A leaf falls, dancing gracefully on the air of your hand.

The grass, like a sea of life laid before me, undulates and rises,
dancing to the melody of the wind.

The sun shines brightly, only to hide its face behind a cloud of innocence;
and this valley of Your Life still shines regardless
if the light is hidden from my eyes--for I can always feel Your Light

dancing

in my eyes,
in my heart,
in my soul.

The Butterflies know this too, as they dance without stop.

As I look on to their dance of endless wings,
all I can think of is how I got to be this lucky;
how did I end up so blessed with your Love. .
I don’t know how it happened or when,
because I was so weak and lost before—
but all I know now is that I am so grateful;


I am so grateful because You are so Good.

Make me Free

A friend
who was not a friend
wound a cord around my flesh,
so deeply and mercilessly,
that it penetrated my skin,
and confined me to feel
intimidation
and fear.

& How interesting it is
that although I am
35,000 miles
away,
I can still feel
the deep-set marks
as they sit on my skin
and remind me
of the incisions
and briuses
on my heart
and my ego;
reminding me
of how I was held down
by the weight
of this ever-tightening cord.

Can distance stretch
and ultimately break
that tie that once held us so close?
Can distance fade
and ultimately erase
the photographs of our memories?

Can hours eliminate the guilt?
Can months erase the moments?
Can time put an end to the pain?

I am now miles away,
in a beautiful city
filled with the sights
and sounds
of culture,
and joy.
Yet, I am still worried
that upon my return,
my growth as a person
will fade
into the blackness,
into the cold,
sharp metals
of the cords,
as they intertwine themselves
with my being...

Can the distance
and the time

MAKE ME FREE

from that bond?

O, how I pray
that my GOOD BYE
showed you that
I am NO LONGER wound
to your whims.

I am free
and
I freed myself.

O, how I pray
that my GOOD BYE
shows you that
your tight grip
and endless demands
may end up choking
and killing
another
loved one
of yours.

Because they
still
are intertwined
with your
merciless cords.

Evidence of a Soul

Oh, my Soul;
I know how you long to be free,
to be in a place where you can fly.
But for now, you are confined
to the walls of my skin;

I feel your pulse as it emanates from my heart

and ends as it impacts my bones,

yet if you could,

you would keep beating against my flesh

until you've won your liberty,

into the open air.

You long for more than what you have been given,

for that which seems so far out of reach, yet so close you could almost

kiss.
You long for that undescribable beauty
of celestial standards,
yet you are bound to my simple, terrestrial existence--
an existance which classifies you
as a soul that will remain
forever simple and mundane.

But, please,
keep beating against the confines of my bones,
because if you do,
at least I know you exist,
and that may perhaps prove
an existance beyond

simply

flesh.

Day One

It all starts with that first goodbye,

the goodbye that never was,

the goodbye that was muted from my ears

and blinded from my sight.

I was never allowed the chance to hear his voice.
I was never given the opportunity
to see the face of that man,
to look into the eyes that I know resemble mine..
And he left before I had the chance to say hello,
before he knew that he helped my existence.

And so it all starts with that first goodbye,

where I was forced to ignore that part of my life from day one,

yet from that one day on,
I was strengthened
through the silent words and empty heart beats

and I learned just as she has,

to keep going,

to move on,

to learn and live.

I live now remembering that emptiness in my heart,
I live now wishing for a chance to fix the past,
I live now wondering why he left her without a second glance;

I live now knowing that it doesnt matter anymore.

All that matters is today;
this perfect moment,

this deep breath,

this beating heart,

this new chance for

this new life.

I am now living

I am living now

So Much

I take a look at my life thus far
and the crazy twists and turns
I have undergone in a matter of months
...and I cannot help but be overwhelmed with how things turned out,
...and I cannot help but keep wondering why it had to happen this way,
...and I cannot help but be extremely grateful for where I am now.

They say that Dreams really do come true,
but am I still dreaming?
Or is this reality one that I can readily embrace,
one that I can fully take on,
without being afraid of it drifting off in the wind
as a dandelion does when you make a wish upon it.

I have been foolish in my actions;
I am sorry for what I've done.
I have been hateful towards the ones I love;
I am sorry for what I've said.
I have been lost because I ignored the Light;
I am sorry for straying from the right path.
I have been selfish by placing my desires first;
I am sorry for forgetting that others matter most.

I have been given a second chance;
I am so grateful for another opportunity to be happy.
I have been lifted up by the ones that know what it means to love;
I am so grateful that they still stand by me.
I have been shown a world of forgiveness and mercy;
I am so grateful that I need not dwell on my past.

I have been granted a new life;
I am so grateful for so much and more.

When I close my eyes,
I sometimes let the darkness
sink in for a little too long,
but when life seems
to get consumed in that blackness,
I remind myself
that I have the power to open my eyes,
that I have the strength to look towards the future,
that only I can show myself the things that will take me further.

There is So Much left for me to do,
There is So Much that I have been given,
and I know that there is So Much that I can do with the gifts laid before me.

Thank You, whoever You are.

Once Again

I believed our paths were not to cross
and yet,
just like a warm breeze that kindly caresses
and softly cradles the soul,
I saw your beautiful face again;
and your bright eyes
shone into my heart once again,
and they let me know
you still love me.

And because of that one look from you,
after what felt like a year of empty stares
from other empty, worthless eyes,
I am caught up again,
instantly;
sweetly seduced once again.

What am I to do?
Should I return to your heart,
that once felt so safe,
that may be safe to trust again,
that may prove to me that Love is worth waiting for?
Should I return to your arms,
that kept me warm during the cold,
that held me close when I felt so far,
that may protect me from all my fears?

Or
Should I depart from your sight,
and keep searching for a new horizon
for a new start...
for a chance to prove to myself
that I can stand firm alone.

Where is Love to guide me?
Where will Love take me,
if I let my heart reign again...

Once again,
my heart beats fast for you,
my eyes look only for you,
my hand is longing for your touch,
my lips are yearning for your warmth,
and my soul is waiting...
Once again,
faith, hope, and Love remain
and I am reaching out for an answer.

Sweet Message

d i s i l l u s i o n e d;
my dreams of love and life
were shattered,
more so
ripped
right from beneath me,
but
I have finally planted my feet
firmly on the ground,
upon a Rock
that will never move,
for I have finally realized
that whether alone or not,
we must continue to walk on.

The path we walk is the one that we choose,
and we must not forget that when we do so,
we must walk always looking ahead,
while watching each step that we take.
Whether that path shines bright
or dims away into the darkness,
our eyes should never stray from the
sweet moon beam
and
starlit entities
that shine right over our lives.
The amazing gift of life takes us on infinite journeys
of the mind
of the heart
and of the soul,
but in the end,
we never get out of it alive.
Because of that,
our gaze should be focused on the one thing that unites us all: Love;
for it is Love that brought us into the world,
and it is Love that will lead us correctly.

P.S. I will always love You.

Empty Truth

When life goes on, day by day,
slowly,
as the hours tick away
mercilessly and incessantly,
I cannot bare how things have become.

I used to have it all
and there are those that look at me,
and see my smile as it exposes an invalid truth,
for it seems as though my world is safe,
for it seems as though I am alright.

But this smile that seems so warm and welcoming
blinds them from the real me;
this smile allows me to keep a distance
and shelter all the hidden truths,
the hidden pains,
the countless disappointments.

They say they care about me
but they cannot tolerate my heart,
they won't care to listen,
for my heart has too much sadness
and who wants to hear only stories of sadness?

If I were to share my stories,
the stories of love and loss,
the stories of life and death,
I would still be left alone
with empty words
and empty breaths.
I would still be trying to recapture
my self, a self that has been
blindly whispered into the winds,
roaming the earth
desperately seeking a truth
and finding nothing but empty air.

Wanting

There is this feeling of wanting more
This feeling of wanting so much more
Than what I have been dealt with…

My heart aches for that something more,
And I can’t figure out what it is that I Need.


I have my family
My friends
My education
And I had love.
Lucky, I know.
But… I am left feeling as if something is still missing

And most importantly,
I have God, always and forever.
The only Always & Forever
I can actually
Depend on.

So what is it that I still need??

I am trying to listen to my heart
But it’s muffled,
Almost silent,
As if the remnants of a
Chord that dissipated into
A Dark, starry night;

And all that is left
Is a muted buzz.

CrossRoads

What to do?
I do not know where to go from here;
This is a sad place: It is a sad place because I have always placed love on a pedestal,
making it the most important mission of my life. I only ever wanted love.

This is a sad place: A cross-roads where my heart is torn right down the middle, between everything I cherished and everything I Adore.

I know that both roads lead to Him, though one is narrow and direct and the other is wide and swerving. But my impatient heart can't bare how long both those roads are, and how long it will take to travel them.

The wide road has all of my past, including your memories and all our moments
and all our love-that-was; this road has all those moments visible and bare and exposed. And on this road, you are still there.

And yet the other road, the direct road, has all the same memories,
except over the agonizingly painful moments there is a Cross. This Cross has one highly-appreciated service: it blocks from my sight the pain, the loneliness, the torture.
But on this road, I also can't see the future.
So I am a scared.

I am torn down the middle.
My heart longs to travel the road of Crosses,
but I worry that you won't be there in the future.
I know that the road with my life’s memories, bare and naked and exposed, may still have you, but it doesn't have the future I long for; a future that shines bright because of God's curing and unending light.

It is a sad place because I have always placed love on a pedestal,
making it the most important mission of my life.
But now, Love is the priority; the Love of Christ and
by embellishing my heart in this True Love,
I am
drowning my sorrows
and trading them
for the safety of the Lord.

I hope you're at the end of the road with me, sharing in Love,
but even if you're not,
I'm starting my journey on the road with Crosses.
I am
going the distance
so that True Love
can be my only, direct guide.

To Sleep Eternally

I was writing about life, about how my life is going, and all I could think of was wishing for death.

I don’t want to hurt. I don’t want to hurt others.

I want to sleep eternally.

So as to not have to worry about tomorrow
So as to not have to worry about being left behind
So as to not have to worry about being forgotten
Just to forget myself, let myself go to the inhibitions of death, to the “welcome home” banner that waits for me in my grave because once there I will be Home.

To sleep eternally would mean no more sadness: no more great joys,
no more great loves, and most importantly,
no more being so sad when all those great things
are inevitably and undoubtedly
stripped away without notice.

No more surprises; I would not expect love to find me anymore.
No more tears; I would not expect love to escape me anymore.
No more anguish or pain; I would not expect anything aside from peace, just a beautiful rest.

Wouldn’t that be great?

If I were to die today, right now, I now I’d leave behind all the ones I love, but what does it matter when the one I love the most cannot even bare to look at me?
I have done him wrong.

And I am so sorry.
But what is the point of my hopelessly romantic existence if there is no hopeful romance? I have always given myself entirely to Love, broken down my barriers and revealed the most innocent, the most vulnerable “me”: The ‘me’ that only desires to be loved forever and ever.

But every time I have done that, I have been left with less and less of myself.

If I were to sleep forever and ever, love would be a concept unknown, just An ideal bound to something beyond my dreams, so that it would not matter for in my dreams it would not exist, and I could finally be at peace.
Oh, Love, how great you’ve been,
but how vicious and merciless as well.
You just enjoyed sucking the life right out of me,
didn’t you?

So Great a Love

Irreconcilable fear: Be still my heart, Yet the pain continues to ache, Continues to bury my hopes

Come back my love. I need you to be there beside me because you anchor me; You hold me, You help me. I need you more than I need myself.

I hold a Love so true, a Love so great, and it’s all for you. Never would I have guessed that I would feel so strongly, so longingly, so honestly, so great a love. And yet I do. Here I am: Baring it all once again, and I fear that I may have made the biggest mistake of my life.

Please forgive me: Irreconcilable anguish. So much stillness when you’re gone, But my heart is not still; My heart won’t let me sleep. I yearn for my eyes to close, for a chance at bliss in my dreams, Yet my heart is not still and I still cannot sleep.

The hours choke my lungs strangling out the tears, and they come incessantly, viciously. I am held captive to the hours, to the lonely, miserable hours. They mercilessly cut into me, and I bleed sadness. Never would I have guess that I would feel so sad, so alone, so remorseful, because of so great a love.

I recount our endless, priceless memories. So beautiful. I ache knowing that there is a chance that all that beauty may disappear and leave in its wake darkness, only darkness. Please do not take away the light that makes me so happy.

So great a Love, you are so good to me. Please forgive me.

One more chance at Love is all I ask for. I will be good to you. I promise I will be good to you as sure as the sun will set on my past and a new sun will rise for our future. What a Glorious day that will be to see a newly rising sun; to see the meadows flourish and blossom with new daisies of tomorrows and forget-me-not’s.

I am waiting.

Una Nota de Amor

April 19, 2010

Tu Palabra, como Blanca Luz,
tan pura, tan buena,
me ayuda cuando todo se siente
tan oscuro, tan frio.
Tan Infinito, es Tu Amor.
Tan Definitivo, eres Tu Senor.
Mi Gran Protector,
el Silenciador de todas mis ancias,
mis miedos, mis angustias,
mis inseguridades.
Entre nuestras transgressiones,
La Buena Noticia eres Tu, Padre Santo;
que limpias todo para que sea 'Pureza' una vez mas.
Que Felicidad.
Gracias Senor por tener tu mano sobre mi,
por darme una vida nueva una vez mas.
Que Lindo eres, Tan Bueno; siempre tan bueno..
En mi corazon hay un fuego que nunca se apagara,
y ese fuego se enciendera siempre
por Ti y para Ti,
para toda esta vida que me regalas cada dia.
Si Senor, te seguire hasta mas aya que el final.
Si Dios Padre, te amara hasta mas aya que mi corazon podra.
Si Bendito Jesus, siempre estare con Ti
y nunca me allejare de Ti,
porque Tu Amor esta en todo lugar.
Que Belleza.
Que Felicidad.

So Sweet

January 7, 2009

(inspired by John Woodward)

When I eat my pancakes
I like no syrup please
as natural is always best
before unnatural strikes--and ruins
mothers most delicious cakes and

somehow Charlie got caught in
the honey hive outside I
tried to get out of
my seat to save him
but the pancakes so sweet

Nameless

January 5, 2010

The blood

has stained

the space

behind the open dumpster

and a white
hairclip
shaped like a
rose,
lies there,
broken.

A Day in the Life of a Journalist

January 8, 2010

You see this world for what it really is
At last you see the shine and the grime the dumpsters and the buildings the gambling and the bidding of young executives and of prostitutes that have been in the business for too long You see the endless trash the cars whether they speed or crash the pedestrians as they walk even if they are doing it all wrong speeding and stopping halting and flaunting but they never do it right Next thing you hear are the sounds of the night the repetitive drawls of bus engines starting and breaking down the numerous shouts of drunk teens as they lose function of their motor skills the subtle quick inhalations of the smoker late for a meeting in town and the whispered prayers of the homeless as they hope to endure the winter chills
You read the headlines stories all just stories You read faces more stories to be told You read the nutritional information on the side of some menu there is no story there There are stories on the street but all you do is walk on
This morning I saw an accident Or the remains of the accident An ambulance in all its glory and the streets shouting a story There was Blood yet the doors to the vehicle were shut and I could not get Lady Gaga’s song out of my head but something inside knew the story before me would go on unsaid
You are now passing an electronics store with windows that run for miles and each television you can see has Tiger Woods and the list of his whores that runs for miles You see some people stop and stare and comment and shake their heads disapprovingly and you walk on that story should have been left unsaid
About one o’clock now your stomach grumbles and you hunger for a satisfying bite No need to fight the urge you want a burger a cheeseburger or maybe you feel wild and you want a double cheeseburger to surge in you and last until dinner later that night You know not to indulge though because the nutritional value of such a thing would be horrendous and you would then have to surrender to a gym membership Besides if you had that burger the homeless would still go hungry
You leave temptation and you are now on 10th An elderly woman is crossing the street and you feel like you should help and as you proceed you notice your shoe is untied and you let the moment of putting others first pass you by O why O why was your shoe untied at that exact moment in time She walked on leaving you behind and you are bent down tying and untying and retying and just tying away all your precious time
Now you walk on across the city to the riverside You pass by streets of stores just stores merchandise that are pointless and useless like a Snuggie as seen on t v or merchandise that are useful but unexplainably expensive like a pair of gloves or earmuffs You wonder whether you should buy some because of the winter chills you must endure It’s a test of endurance we all must face Yet you walk on
You pass by payphones and remember that talk you had with your grandfather when he was telling you about how in his day there were no such things as telephones so you had to make personal house calls if any story was to be told You pass by an empty shopping cart tied to a hydrant You pass by a pair of sneakers hanging from the telephone wires You pass by a bar and suddenly the street lights go on
From the street you can hear the roar of the soccer game as it plays on the flat screen t v inside the bar You can hear the grunts of disgruntled men who are sipping away their sorrows You can almost feel the pinches that the waitresses are receiving as they pass by the disgruntled men You see that one of those men happen to be a co-worker but you walk on because there is no story to share between you and him But a bar fight breaks loose and you are inclined to stay and see if there is a story
The chills the skills the town this place of no ups only downs this bar the lights shine eerily on the car you see you hear you feel the first punch the crack of the first jaw and the wobble in your knees This story might be one to please your boss But you walk on

You refuse to be a prostitute

a sad story

For the Under-Achievers

(While observing a twelvth grade Calculus class at East Side Community H.S, I wondered...)

Are they really underachievers?

Maybe they just don't know ther're not FULLY achieving, yet?

The majority of them have their phones out, or their heads down,
or their eyes up
staring at the clouds.
It's a gorgeous day and
they'd rather be outside
instead of inside
learning about their limits--instead of
figuring out their domains
and
their far-reaching ranges.

The girl that's focused on her appearance
more than her achievement
just confessed to smoking weed.
She should confess to herself
that she is starving herself
of a need to succeed.

So much chitterchatter,
instead of the scribblescrabble
of pencils to paper;
instead of the ignited minds
consumed in finding the time
to figure out that life
beyond the classroom
won't care for, won't spare for
the under-achievers,
for the little dreamers;
only for the Dream Keepers,
for those that overcome and over-achieve.
Only for those that retain their hopes,
for those that mantain running for their goals and dreams,
with their eyes on the prize
no matter what the cost!

Because a life free from worries,
not bound to failure and poverty,
not bound to the "I know I could've done more"s
or the "I'm so sorry"s;
A life not bound to the limits
is worth striving for--and all because
of an education that stirred success
from generation to generation.

With determination in your hearts
and education in your mind,
a Life of endless possibilities
can be yours
if you just try.

And the Pheonix also Rises

This World has aged you,
taken your once innocent body
and harbored it beneath the ashes,
beneath the darkness.

You want to overcome it;
Reach out!
Fly out!
Spread your wings
for a new chance at Life!
for a New Chance into the Light!

But the flames still consume you
and your Eyes are Blinded from the
Glory beyond this World,
beyond the burden of these ashes.

Do you want to be free?

Raise up, Precious Child;
like the Phoenix, you can raise yourself up again,
out of the ashes and into a New Freedom.

Raise up, Innocent Angel;
like the Pheonix, you can go above and beyond the flames,
where the fire can
no longer harm you,
for you have a New Light on your side.

Raise up from the ashes.
Do not let the remains
of these burdens
keep
you
down.
Raise up! It is a New Day!
There will always be
a New Day.

Belleza del Alma

March 31, 2010

Belleza del Alma,
adonde te me fuiste?
Te esperare,
aunque este triste.
Tu luz
maravillosa
enciende entre
la oscuridad
de la noche.
Mi corazon
se siente terrible,
pero aqui
te esperare.. hasta la muerte.
No me importa,
si las horas
me rodean o me ahogan,
con este sentimiento
tan triste.
Aqui espero tu regreso
y te esperare
para siempre ...

If I Love you Tonight

June 8, 2007

If I love you tonight, will you love me tomorrow?
Will you bring me happiness and take away my sorrow?
Will it be forever and ever; just like you promised me?
Will it be honest love: truly, madly, deeply?

If I say those three words, will you stay through the night?
Will you place my heart on wings, and fly me towards new light?
Will you kiss me with passion and new-found emotion?
Will you look into my eyes with affection and devotion?

If I looked into yours, would I see a sincere world?
Would you value me more than any priceless pearl?
Would you make an effort to always place me first?
And be my loving angel to protect me from the worst?

Will you let me be the only one
you dream of when you sleep?
And create cherished memories
that we will forever keep?

Will you be my hero, and stay through every fight?
Will you love me tomorrow if I love you tonight?

Bliss.

December 2007

Do you see?

It's a blanket of Bliss falling from the sky.

Oh, How I wish to just melt into it,

Have it softly lay itself upon me,
Engulf me,

So that I may see the world through Blissful Eyes.

I could lay there for hours,
Become an Angel of the Snow,
Forget all the troubles,
and woes,
and sorrows,
and pains;
Be environed by Only Bliss.
As I lay there,
every snowflake upon my face
would become a
part of me.
And I'd dream for it,
and wish for it,
Until I become Pure Bliss,
and finally have
Eternal Peace.

Love runs Deep

February 26, 2008

How lovely it is to see your face.

Your bright eyes shine on my heart,
and I've let you get to the depths of me.
My love runs deep for you,
and your love has touched every inch of me.

How lovely it is in your embrace.
Your warm touch caresses my soul,
and makes me feel so safe, so secure.
My love runs deep for you,
as for any ailment, your kiss is the cure.

How lovely it is in your presence;
Your love is of the purest essence.
Never reticent,
for I can speak my heart to you.
So incandescent
is this love I hold for you.

All my love runs deep for you.

Take this Heart for You

February 14, 2008

Take this Heart for you.
I've kept it from the world,
But I know it's safe with you.
Others have wanted to steal it,
and bruise it,
even go so far as to break it,
But I've decided to only let you have it,
because I know you have what it takes to love.

Take this Heart for you.
It belongs only to you.
Protect it from harm,
Console it through the worst,
Kiss it when it hurts;
Show it that you truly care.

It only asks to be loved,
so Love it with Everything you have to give.
I trust you with this Heart;
this heart needs your heart to live.
It needs your love throughout every day.
I completely give you this heart,
so take My heart for You.

Angel

March 2, 2010

The Angels are coming
to take you
away,
away from here,
away from us.
They told me
to tell you,
that everything is alright.
We will mourn,
but we will also
rejoice;
For then, you will be
an Angel
among angels.

In and Out of a Moment in Time

November 2009

A New Romance?
But how coult it be, when everything we have is still so sweet,
so fresh, so pure, so young at heart...
Yet, my jealousy sends me spiraling down
into a black hole of filth and
lies.
I can't even bare to look into your eyes...
I feel as though I am far apart
from the touch of your hand, from the warmth of your kiss;
but now they lie, these treacherous lips of mine,
and I feel as if I am no longer thine.
Recapture my love, don't let it stray,
I need you until the end of my days;
Yet, I know, I have made mistakes,
and though I still do,
I want to live this life with you.
These lies of mine echo through my eyes,
they steal your soul into the darkness...
into the abyss--there's no escape once
you've fallen into this...But
I want to reach out.
I need a hand to pull me out of this jealous fit,
out of this cheating hit, out of this endless pit.
He's calling me but he doesn't know my name.
He's asking me to get down on my knees,
but I won't; I am so ashamed.
Midnight Rendevouz?
How can I do that to you?
He was a foolish game, in and out of a moment in time,
and I don't want to hurt you,
most precious Love of mine.
Forgive me. Forgive me.
I promise I will change.
Forgive me.
I love you;
Please forgive me,
most Precious Love of Mine.
I am truly thine.

Most Holy

February 1, 2010

God of Wonders beyond imagination,
Beyond thoughts or ponderings,
Beyond moments or memories;
You’re interwoven meticulously into gorgeous occurrences.
You outshine worldliness; Outdo Yourself on people who continuously condemn Your Holy.
O Holy, Most Holy!
Your wisdom unlocks doors,
allows those without hope to open virtuous perfection;
allows those without hope to observe honest intention;
allows those without hope to conquer tribulations.
O Holy, Most Holy!
Comfort those without hope; Perforate our souls;
Beckon our Love
to something more of
You… Love develops for You,
only You.
O Holy, Most Holy!
Forever Your Love for everyone, Forever You love everyone, Everyone loving Your forever
O Holy, Most Holy!
Complete our forever with your Love Most Holy.

Beautiful Demise

March 7, 2007

Ay! See how she sits properly
Staring warily, yet blissfully,
Out of the sun-soaked window.
With so many thoughts we’d die to know,
As her mind is riveting with care,
While she acknowledges the change in the air.
With a grace that cannot be compared,
She repositions herself in the chair.
The world as seen from the outside
Triggers something unseen on the inside
And this new light finds place in her eyes,
Twinkling with beautiful demise,
For she alone holds the meaning of life.

Ode to Mother

July 1, 2007

You might look at her and see an ordinary woman.

I look at her and see a Fighter,

A Survivor,

A Hero,

A Friend.

I can see even more reflected in her eyes as her love shines through...

If only you knew her stories; where she's been, what she's been through, what she's seen...

Anything and everything that she's had to endure to get to where she is now,

and even though her current situation isn't the best,

she continues to make sacrifices in hopes of the slightest glimpse at success.

She's a strong woman who puts others first and her self second.

She is humble, hard-working, and honest, all of which are traits that would be admired by anyone, especially by those who have witnessed them first-hand.
I've been there for her as she has doubtlessly done for me, yet my love for her fails in comparison.
Her heart is generous,
her actions kind and of the best interest,
her words empowering,
and her smile warm and welcoming.
You might look at her and see an ordinary woman…
I look at her and see an extraordinary mother.

Facing Death with Grace

Have you ever looked out your window and noticed all the lives around you? Have you ever thought about the fact that we may not all be here tomorrow? A young boy of seventeen has had to face that fact sooner than he should have, at least in my perspective. His mother passed away from cancer of the breast, liver, and brain. His mother was 42 years old, with plenty of deserved life left to her, and yet, the cancer got the best of her.

His mother was a very religious woman. She loved God, and everything to do with God, more than anyone I have ever met. She was also one of the sweetest women I have ever met. This woman was dedicated to her faith and was dedicated to showing and living that faith with her only son and her beloved husband. It pains my heart knowing that this young boy, a senior in high school, will not have his mother physically present for his graduations, for his wedding, and for the birth of his first child.

So, where is God in all of this? Where is the Almighty Savior that said, “You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it” (John 14:14)? I have prayed that his mother may not undergo physical suffering, but there was the excruciating chemotherapy. I know that her son and her husband have prayed more than I have, praying for her to stay on earth with them. I know that the young boy was living with never-ending hope that she would make it through. And yet, when his father sat him down and told him that his mother would undoubtedly pass away, the young boy was so broken by the news that he cried and cried. I know that they are going through probably the most difficult time of their lives. And I know that there is nothing I can do or say to ease their suffering.

But God, he who creates and ends all things, can. Jesus says “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house there are many rooms… I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you may also be where I am” (John 14:1-4).

In Jesus, there is eternal support and love—both for those that have passed and for those that will someday be with Him in the Kingdom of God. The young boy knows deep in his heart that he will get through this and that he can get through this with God at his side. For when we undergo our darkest hours, we may feel as if we are walking alone in the world, yet the truth is that it is God who carries us through to the light.

*Image provided by: http://alijohnson.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/grace_candle_logo2.jpg

A Beautiful Beginning

There they were. Alongside the river’s edge with the starry night above, glistening, reflected in the water below them. This is the perfect moment. She handed him the sheet of paper and pen, and told him to write down his deepest most honest wish out of life. She decided to let him write it down first, just so the universe would get a head start on his wish. As he was writing fervently, she took two candles from her knapsack and lit them in their tiny holders. She held one out for him to take in his palm, and as he did, she placed hers on the pavement, taking out a slip of paper and pen for herself. The light from the flame shone a beautiful glow on her face as she began writing, and he fell in love with her all over again. As she dipped to the water’s edge to place her wish along the water’s surface, he did the same. They held each other close as their wishes sailed away into the blissful night. “What did you write?” he asked with a hint of sarcasm, for he knew she would never tell him. She just looked deep into his eyes and gave him a long, passionate kiss. As they walked slowly away from the river, she held his hand tightly hoping her wish would come true: I wish that his wish comes true.

*Image provided by: http://image.wareseeker.com/software/cdi/screensavers-&-wallpaper/screensavers/details_moonlight-lake-1-1.jpeg

"Song of Myself"

(Inspired by Walt Whitman)

I rejoice in this; that every part of me is a tightly-knit part of you, And every part of you clings to me.

I sit in the winter snow, gazing at the falling blanket of bliss, observing others in their merriment; Children laughing and playing, parents talking and worrying and listening for the possibility of slips and cracked bones of their young ones.
In the morning, the sun rises over the building tops, shedding light on the city… illuminating the dark and bringing into light each and every occurrence. Soundly waking, doors locked and windows shut, yet the sun pokes through and it is a new day.
My eyes slowly open, distracted by dreams of the night before… and as I regain consciousness, the shouts of city-goers are already blaring; cars honking, whirring and whizzing by on the streets below, the blanket of last night’s bliss turned to dirty slush beneath their crushing wheels.

Across the street, the lone pigeon perches on the windowsill, while her friends fly on; The eighth floor of my building is desolate and a lone girl sits in her room, awaiting her friends to take her and fly away; Downstairs, the youth revels in their joy and in their ability to never necessitate sleep.

Somewhere beyond the confines of city life, families awake and share breakfast and dreams. Somewhere beyond the confines of these walls, hands tell more than pushes on a keyboard, as they hold on tightly to their beloved. Somewhere beyond here, lion cubs suckle at the breasts of life as gazelles are chased to their death. Somewhere, children do not eat nor sleep and raise themselves into what they will.

I write new words of hope or demise; We have had luxuries and ignorance about enough, I present to you that life is all incumbent.

Have you no heart to help? Are you the Devil himself? It is a sad state and we shall all live to see the day of the end.

Come hither, city of dreams! City of never-ending lights! City of sights and sounds beyond imaginings! City of scud and sparkle! City of knifings and kisses! City of new starts and new ends! Sweet City of Life! O Richly Poor City of Souls! Excessive City and Wasteful City! You have shown us everything and nothing, and there is so much left to do to get to a new day… Smile, precious city, for help is on its way!

Where the Black man is accused of murder… Where the Latina is seen as an easy lover… Where the rich, white kids obtain everything they want without doing anything for it… Where the deserving, poor child gets nothing although he does everything he can in hopes of something… Where the homeless live in the cold and the heartless live in warmth… Where the stray dogs are caught and put to sleep… Where the weed is shared among hopeless friends… Where the under-aged allows themselves to witness worldliness before their times… Where the innocent are convicted because the guilty have a strong societal influence… Where those that want to help can only do so much… Where the sweet souls must accommodate the disgusting filth and where the smiles of young ones are silenced, bringing forth cries of solitude…

This is the life that we have chosen. These are the lives in the city that never sleeps. This is the life that I try to escape every time I close my eyes. Yet, this is my life. This is your life…

Pleased with opportunities if you just keep believing… Pleased with prayers in hope of peace and tranquility… Pleased with words that can say so much and strike a fire in the hearts of some… Pleased with the ability and capability to love beyond imaginings… Pleased with the possibility for so much more. On the pavement, pleased with the chalk markings of children, as it reminds me of the innocence that is still pure and still dreams beauty. These children are our future. Their young minds still have a chance to change for the better. Our children can affect everything, every new day…

All This is what I rejoice and that which I share with You.

*Image provided by: http://www.pixdaus.com/pics/1207694713GN7KshL.jpg